Spring Registration

Unlike a lot of towns, Harrison is  doing its part to keep our kids active and busy. In fact, we have them throwing, jumping and, especially, running.

Okay, we forgot to tell some of them they should do this last one 'in place' and they're just now passing Scranton. 

But when we finally get them back, they'll be in the best shape of their lives!

In any case, there are some spring and summer activities I neglected to list when I did that last big round-up. Hey, you try to remember everything when you've got cows who need branding. 

So here are some more things to keep your kids busy.

Starting April 22, Superstar Soccer begins. International coaches will come and work with children between the ages of two and four. Kids learn soccer skills quickly at that age. And, most importantly, none of them have to practice dribbling.

This activity will be fun and, most-importantly, non-competitive. Which means these kids will soon be able to graduate to all New York sports teams and no one will ever know the difference.

It's also, apparently, not too early to register for cheerleading camp. A statement first uttered by Danish philosopher, Soren Kierkegaard. This activity is for girls in grades three through seven and boys who know every word to Barbra Streisand's "Don't Rain On My Parade."

Everyone will learn all the words to the Harrison High School Varsity Cheer. Plus, for an extra $50, that extra verse, that only gets played on the radio after 11!

For kids who find the cheerleading stuff is not cerebral enough there are computer classes from March to May. Here kids will learn how to listen, concentrate and do some problem solving. For an extra $50, all at the same time. 

Warning: Anyone who graduates from problem solving will be put to work trying to fix the economy. The kids we have working on it now will be out soon — trust me.

Perhaps the most exciting class this spring is called Engineering FUNdamentals, which started a few weeks ago. Here kids will learn to design and build motorized machines and cars. Also, catapults. In case we ever go to war with a fourth century carthaginian country.

Most of these contraptions will be made out of Legos. The same stuff they're using to build our overseas tanks. Class size is as follows. Minimum size is 12 students. Class limit is 16. Anyone who uses that "Lego my Eggo" joke will be put on immediate suspension. And someone from the waiting list will move up one.

Finally, it's time to get your family a pool pass for the summer. This will require filling out a form with name, address and number of children living at home. Parents, please just put the number here. Editorializing, like, "six, and each one a headache" won't get you a reduced price.

You may receive some sympathy cards in the mail. But really, in the final analysis, how is that going to help you?