Conquering my running addiction

Hey Patch lovers,

This weekend I read a quote that really stuck with me: "Running is unselfish me-time!"

I feel the need to elaborate upon why this quote resonated with me.  I have to admit, my family is ridden with addictive personalities (many of which have been self-destructive, some even fatal). No one in my family has my addiction – they preferred drugs and alcohol – however I'm addicted to all that "healthy" stuff. Well, it ain't healthy if it's all-consuming. Everything in moderation, right? It certainly took me a few rough years to learn that concept and actually apply it to me.

During my first two years of college, I was more than just a gym rat – I suffered from the disordered, compulsive, extreme behavior known as overexercising (classified as "exercise bulimia").

I ran every single day on the treadmill--not even outside. I lived in the gym at my college, in fact, I spent so much time there that I became known as "treadmill girl."  I would spent my weekends running 10 miles a day – alone – instead of shopping at the mall or going out to eat  lunch with my college friends. Random gym-goers would come up to me and say, "You have been on the treadmill since I got here, and you're still on it as I'm leaving....WOW!" 

Admittedly, I liked the positive attention, I liked being noticed for something that made me feel so good about myself. But more so, I loved the challenge and the mental focus that running gave me. 

I was addicted to sweating; in fact, the more I sweat, the better I felt.  I was at my lowest weight, my "peak" and I got a lot of positive attention from such body-obsessed peers. However, my doctors were very concerned because I didn't get my period (sorry guys!) for 3 months in a row. This is called amenorrhea, which is the absence of menstruation due to either extremely low or high BMI (body mass index – which measures the amount of fat in the body).

In my case, even my nutrition professor measured my BMI using a skin-fold caliper and it was a 21, which is low but still in the normal/healthy range – not underweight. So I thought, hmm, I'm not in that much danger, right? Wrong. My body was clearly sending me a message: "HELLO, NOEL....GIVE ME A REST..I CANNOT KEEP UP WITH THE AMOUNT OF CALORIES YOU'RE BURNING AT THE GYM AND HOW LITTLE FAT YOU CONSUME, FEED ME!!" 

Translation: If a girl doesn't menstruate every month, it is a big sign that she is not  healthy. In order to produce a period (or a pregnancy), a woman must have adequate fat supplies in her body – yep, that means you need a little junk in the trunk or that pooch that won't quit during bikini season. 

I'm proud to say that I quickly sought out professional treatment once my doctor informed me that I may not be able to have children and could have serious heart issues. With a wonderful support system of devoted doctors and peers, I came to understand my diagnosis and accepted that I needed a major change.

After months of struggling to cut down on the hours spent on the treadmill, and learning to incorporate healthy fats and a balanced schedule, I found the balance. Also, joining the cross country team and later becoming the captain really solidified the fact that I wanted to run with others (not isolating myself on a boring machine). 

Once I got back into the team mentality, it brought me back to my high school days when I felt supported,  and I didn't feel alone anymore. I started to help others girls on my team who were dealing with the same issues.

Today, I'm admittedly scattered but definitely more wise.  I'm not perfectly balanced, I honeslty do not think it's attainable to have perfect balance – but I think it IS possible, however, to find what works for you. I love myself (yeah I have days, where I'm hating – but those are few and far between, and usually due to PMS!)  I have found a happy medium. I no longer need to exercise everyday to feel good about myself. 

I now run for pleasure and I love to sign up for professional races through New York Road Runners. My last race was the NYC Half-Marathon in March (I ran with the charity, Team for Kids)  and my next big race is the Women's Only mini-10K in Central Park on June 11th (I'm running for the charity, The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society). Throughout my running career, I have participated in countless cross country, track, and relay races. But I am finally running for me. I am in competition with myself, not with my teammates or peers or my coach. My expectations are realistic and healthy.

Since I'm no longer in school, I have tried to create a team-like environment at home. I have kept in close contact with my best friends from high school and college track and we managed to run races together, train together, and create a strong support system for one another.

Now, I usually try to exercise four to five times per week, which means running, strength training, yoga or pilates, kickboxing, playing baseball or football with my boyfriend, and  taking long, active walks at the park (often pushing heavy stroller!) I'm happy to say that I am much more motivated and satisfied that my running is for myself, for a purpose, part of a bigger picture. For me, running for charity is more meaningful and empowering than running for time. I admire professional athletes and those who try to set a PR, and trust me Kara Goucher is definitely someone I follow. Although I consider myself an athlete, it's not my job. It is my hobby.  

By having a more healthy outlook, I actually have more productive and efficient workouts. My muscle fibers finally receive time to rest, renew, and recover (which is incredibly healing and something that all athletes are required to do). In fact, the NCAA requires 1 day of rest/per week for athletes (at least in DIII programs). 

Like many of my friends, if I'm in a bad place emotionally and feeling moody,  running always makes me feel better. It just gets the junk out of my head.  It never fails me. I can always rely on it to make me feel strong, clearheaded, and free from anxiety.

Well, if you'd like to get an idea of my racing schedule, here goes: My next race is actually...tomorrow!  I'm waking up extremely early for a fun run on the Boardwalk on Staten Island, to run a 5-K with the famous ultramarathon man, Dean Karnazes (see attached picture). Usually races are held on the weekends, but this "fun run" is a truly unique experience. This will mark Day 74 out of 75 that Dean has been running across America on "Live with Regis and Kelly" to support Action for Healthy Kids, an organization that promotes healthy living and the prevention of child obesity (a cause very near and dear to my heart!!) I have been following Dean for the past three months and I cannot wait to meet one of my heroes. I'm so blessed and lucky to have  the extraordinarily rare opportunity to RUN with such an esteemed human and rare athlete. Maybe my friends and I will even be featured on TV (now that would be icing on the cake...haha).

Tomorrow's 5K will be a platform to see where I'm at in my training for the June 11th 10K. Once I get my new sneakers this week, I'm ready to hit the road--hard! After June 11th, my next BIG race will be the Staten Island Half Marathon in September (I'll also be running for LLS). We'll see what happens in between June and September, I'm sure I'll be antsy to run a few smaller races. I like the idea of "training' as opposed to just "Working out" because it keeps me on my toes as an athlete.

To my fellow runners, I think we all know what it's like to be addicted to endorphins and the post-run "high". But running, like any other addiction, can turn ugly if it's consuming and takes away from other meaningful activities or relationships in your life. If you feel it is getting out of control, please feel free to reach out to me. I've been there and I've bounced back and I'm better than ever! I've actually received more positive feedback on my physique than I ever have in my life, and I attribute this to living and enjoying everyday--instead of worrying about how many calories I burned on the treadmill.

Happy trails to you!! I'll let you know how the 5K goes tomorrow, wish me luck!