The Question of Pursuit

Lauren Suval

Is chivalry dead? That’s been an age-old question addressed many times before. Since the feminist movement has emerged, chivalry has been slowly dying. It’s apparent in the scenarios where the guy does not wholeheartedly pick up the tab at dinner on the first date (and yes, I’ve unfortunately had to suffer through that awkward moment), or when the guy doesn’t execute the rather simple gesture of walking the girl to her car at the end of the night.  

While those instances may be uncomfortable, that’s not even the worst of it; traditional foundations of romance are being challenged. It’s no longer boy meets girl, boy asks girl out. Girls are in the driver’s seat in regards to the game of pursuit, and I find this reverse in sex roles to be quite disheartening.

The tradition of the ‘male pursuit’ is rooted in history; males hunted, chased and exerted the effort to secure what they wanted. Now of course I’m not suggesting that women should be treated as a prize to be won, but we do like to feel desired. And, while, yes, some guys may in fact be shy, hasn’t this male role been integrated within society for decades? And hasn’t it worked?

The mantra of “he’s just not that into you,” has been enforced as a way for girls accept the fact that if a guy isn’t calling or directly making plans to meet, he’s just not feeling the connection, and we should raise our white flag and back off.

He’s just not that into you.  As hard of a concept as that is to swallow (I myself have struggled with that notion too at times), it prevents a spiral of vulnerability from unfolding. Do you really want to harass a guy to go out for a cup of coffee? Girls already struggle with self-esteem issues enough as it is without having to add a failed pursual to the repertoire. If a guy is interested, he should most certainly express his feelings and follow through with action; if not, well it might be wise to let it go and spare yourself the trouble of falling asleep next to your phone.

Author of How to Be a Hepburn in a Hilton World, Jordan Christy, advocates that women should not pursue men, even though modern society has paved the way for a turnaround. The media showcases casual sex and women ‘on the hunt,’ and she argues that those methods aren’t effective because it goes against the laws of nature.

“Let’s be honest,” Christy says. “Do you really want to have to tell your children, ‘That’s right, kids, I had to beat down your father’s door and constantly create diversions to get his attention! I sent multiple text messages, wore my shortest skirts, and practically threw myself at him before he noticed me. But don’t you worry, I eventually wore him down!’ Of course not.”

As a young modern woman of today, I do acknowledge that there is value in women having the freedom to be proactive if they choose to be. When it comes to the dating world, however, I’d like to think that an old-fashioned frame of mind will not become obsolete.