We Are Family

Three Years!

Can you even believe it has been that long since all New Yorkers, meaning LGBTQ New Yorkers can follow their dreams and dive into the deep end of the marriage pool!

Same-sex marriage in New York became legal on July 24, 2011, under the Marriage Equality Act, which was passed by the New York State Legislature on June 24, 2011 and signed by Governor Andrew Cuomo on the same day. 

We have all seen the amazing videos and photos of couples realizing their hopes and dreams to marry. The joys and tears of realizing their freedom to choose have been inspirational to me, and I am proud to live in a state that has moved forward to reduce discrimination based on sexual preference.

So now the LGBTQ community joins their straight counterparts in legally sanctioned domestic bliss! Yet unfortunately, sometimes bliss yields to agony and legal divorce. According to various researchers including the year 2000 United States census, lesbian and gay couples generally have the same relationship goals and face the same relationship challenges as people who are straight do. They also have the same rates of relationship success and failure. Of course same gender couples have been coming together and sometimes falling apart for as long as there has been human beings, but the new added legal binds of conventional marriage may add new pain to ending a legally married relationship.

On the PBS web page entitled “This Emotional Life “they report:

“there are nearly 400,000 same-sex couple households in the United States—likely an underestimate. And surveys show that between 40% and 60% of gay men and between 45% and 80% of lesbians are currently involved in an intimate relationship.

Within these committed relationships, couples report similar levels of satisfaction and commitment as their heterosexual counterparts, with the added benefit that same-sex couples tend to focus more on equality and resolve conflict more effectively than opposite-sex couples.”

In my therapy/counseling practice, throughout the years, I have worked with many couples including same sex couples. Issues regarding communication, fidelity and parenting are common to all human beings and same sex couples are not immune to these hot button issues.  But what is new for me, is I have now begun to see same sex couples who need to deal with the legal issues surrounding separation, divorce and child custody.

Not to despair! Marriages can and do last, but sometimes we all need a little help. As the above research suggests conflict resolution has historically been a strong-point of same sex unions. Counseling and or therapy can go far to helping a couple navigate the sometimes turbulent seas of marriage. The key is to find a therapist who is experienced in the areas you believe you need assistance with. Check in with friends and family for recommendations and review your medical insurance to see what benefits you can make use of. For some couples it has made sense to go outside of their approved/covered provider lists to find a therapist/counselor who is sensitive and experienced to the unique issues same sex couples can encounter. However you find the help you need, engaging and working with your therapist/counselor is an important step in navigating to smoother relational sailing!