Mom, Daughter Struggle After Sudden Loss Of Dad: 'He Was Wonderful'

ORIENT POINT, NY — As an Orient Point family, blindsided by the sudden, unthinkable loss of a devoted father, struggles to deal with their grief, the community is opening its arms to help navigate unexpected financial challenges.

A GoFundMe page, "Help For The Family of Ethan Whittington," was created by Lisa Craven.

"Abby Whittington, 15, recently suffered the sudden loss of her father Ethan after a brief battle with cancer," Craven wrote. "She and her mother Jennifer Sickler are facing a difficult road ahead as they deal with this loss and try to cover expenses and secure housing so Abby can finish school in her current district."

Abby, Craven added, "is a remarkable student, she is on the high honor roll, and she is proactive in her school clubs and activities. Ethan and Jen have made every sacrifice together for Abby to remain in her current district."

Whittington worked at the Greenport location of Riverhead Building Supply for the past 16 years and was a familiar face on the North Fork canvas, well-loved by many.

"Jen may be known to many in her community for her work at Trumans Beach in East Marion and at the Orient Country Store," Craven said. "Due to Ethan's untimely death, Abby and Jen have an immediate need for unplanned expenses. Please consider donating any amount to help Abby and Jen through this tragic time."

Jennifer Sickler said Whittington died Sunday, Feb. 5 after a brief illness and cancer.

"Abby and I were by his side to send him off. We sang to him, comforted and reassured him," she said. "I told him 'The Story of Us', the way we first fell in love, and then later, about when we brought our daughter into the world. I just kept talking and telling the stories that I knew he would love."

Her voice breaking with grief, Sickler said she told him not to be afraid when he passed.

"I asked him to look for his brother, Dylan, who would take his hand and welcome him home. I explained that his friends and family were in the waiting room and that maybe he could see them. We made jokes that only the three of us would understand. His presence started to shift, and like a dandelion blowing into the wind, petal by petal, and then he was just gone. It was beautiful in the saddest of ways."

Although they never married, Sickler said: "Ethan and I were partners in the greatest endeavor of one’s life, raising our beautiful girl, Abby. Ethan was a wonderful father to Abby and she was unequivocally the joy of his life. The loss of a parent for a child must truly be the scariest thing that could happen."

At 15, Abby is emotionally mature and wise beyond her years, her mother said.

"I am floored by her insights about life, death, and this unexpected turn that our journey has taken. She has been described by one of her teachers as a 'bright star' even in the midst of this challenge. She plans to go into the field of psychology, which she is perfectly fitted for," she said.

Along with the pain of losing Whittington, who was devoted to his daughter, Sickler is also facing the possible loss of her North Fork rental after July — and is desperate to keep her daughter in the school district she loves; hopefully, through graduation from Greenport High School.

"This unexpected tragedy hits from all angles. Without a will prepared, I have been left in a financially precarious situation, all while trying to remain strong and walk through the many stages of grief, now and to come. Ethan and my shared goal was to have Abby finish all four years of high school without interruption, but sadly, that may not happen," Sickler said.

Reflecting on the sudden, life-altering loss, Sickler said Whittington hadn't felt well in recent months; his stomach became distended, and she worried.

One day, he called her from work and said he had to go to the emergency room, that he was in tremendous pain.

"I was in Riverhead but I turned around and rushed to where he worked," she said. "He could barely move. I had to get a wheelchair to push him into the ER."

He was later moved to Stony Brook University Hospital, she said. Struggling with a massive kidney infection and his liver failing, in a heartbeat, he seemed to age overnight, his voice that of an older man, she said. Whittington was intubated, Sickler said.

"Things just went downhill from there," she said.

Soon, doctors told them that he had Stage IV esophageal and stomach cancer.

He died just two weeks after he was first hospitalized Jan. 19.

"He didn’t know he had cancer," Sicker said. "He thought he had a hernia."

And in days, hours, the news went from possible dialysis, or a liver transplant, to those no longer being options.

"He was told his cancer was too advanced, we weren't able to do anything surgically," she said. "He had no chance."

Her daughter Abby, Sickler said, was fully present on every step of her father's final journey.

"I think a lot of people will agree that she is one of the most amazing human beings," Sickler said. "She is so strong, and wise beyond her years."

During his last days, Whittington's parents came, as did his two best friends.

When the last, heartbreaking day came, Sickler said: "I told him not to be afraid. I told him I wanted him to know his mom and dad and friends were downstairs. I told him, 'Everyone is here, with you,'" she said. "Abby and I sang to him, his favorite songs. I had my hand on his wrist and I could feel his heart beating. It got slower and slower and then he took his last breath. I kept trying to reassure him that he was safe and that his angels were with him, surrounding him, and were going to protect him."

Speaking with Patch about her father, Abby said, "My father had a sweet and caring presence. He was always there for me when I needed him. We enjoyed watching TV and funny YouTube videos together. We loved to hike and hunt for animal bones. He had a great sense of humor, and we shared many inside jokes together. He also loved playing practical jokes and pranks whenever he could. I will miss him dearly but I know he is always in my heart."

And now, Sickler is finding her way forward, trying, through the blanket of grief, to ensure that her daughter is surrounded by all that she knows and loves in the difficult days ahead without her dad.

" I know, with certainty, that he wanted our daughter to be able to finish high school in Greenport," Sickler said.

What the future holds is uncertain, Sickler said.

"My father was a minister. I'm a preacher's kid," Sickler said. "While I'm not extremely religious, I'm extremely spiritual. This situation with housing insecurity has made it so now, I feel like I can't breathe."

She added: "I keep saying that Abby has to finish school here — but maybe God has a different plan," she said.

Her hope is that the plan will allow her girl to finish up high school in the place where she thrives academically and is known as a "little activist," helping to organize a walkout to support a teacher in April.

"Abby is always standing up for what's right for other people," she said. "She's just a great kid, and people recognize that. If I can, at the very least, find a way for her to be able to finish school and not have to move . . . . We're in shock. She just lost her father."

No matter what paths their lives take, Sickler said her broken heart has been bolstered by the outpouring of caring from the community, from those who've stepped forward to comfort and guide.

"I am so grateful, just so filled with gratitude for those who reached out to help," she said. "Ethan and I, we had a partnership, in raising and loving our daughter and making sure her life was full. He was a wonderful, wonderful father."

To donate to the GoFundMe, click here.

Patch is a GoFundMe promotional partner.