How Are You Doing Today?

“How are you doing today?”

This statement is something that we should be asking ourselves on a daily basis. We find the time to be concerned about those around us, but do we ever truly look at ourselves in the mirror and ask ourselves how we are doing today?

I didn’t think so.

For the record, I’m equally guilty of neglecting to check in with myself.

Checking our own barometers is like tuning up a vehicle. Forget to change the plugs, and the car begins to hesitate. Hesitate to change the oil frequently, and the car can stall, or gunk can get caught in the engine. And we all know what a damaged engine does to our automobiles, as well as our sense of dependence on them. Forgetting to check in with ourselves will eventually lead to depression, anxiety, anger, stress reactions, and a myriad of other unfortunate events, much like a broken gasket in an engine. However, we are not geared to think of ourselves in this way. It is much easier for us to ask others how they are feeling or getting along. It is so much easier to deny our own existence. But by doing so, we are a gasket, poised to blow.

The reason why I’m telling you this is because I find that I am guilty of this infraction against myself, on a daily basis. It’s almost an unconscious act, this getting up in the morning and going through the motions of a routine. Not once, not during yoga or cycling, or even while tossing a load of laundry into the washer, do I ever ask myself how I am doing. Yet, I find that I am always asking how those around me are, and I base my own personal barometer on that, which couldn’t be more wrong. “To thine own self be true,” goes the saying, but I’m not being true to myself if I’m constantly neglecting who and what I am, or how I am feeling.

When we ask others how they are doing, we are expressing genuine concern for another. This is a wonderful thing, and something that we should continue to monitor regularly. After all, concern for others is what makes the world go round. It helps to foster unity, it helps to bring people closer, it helps others to feel cared about.

We should be expressing that very same concern for ourselves.

A fine practice that someone had once suggested, in order to remedy the issue of “not checking in” with ourselves, is to sit in perfect stillness for about fifteen minutes daily. During that time, one is to let thoughts or emotions float by, like clouds, without giving them energy to take hold. For fifteen minutes, one is to listen to the sound of the breath, and to feel any tension in the body. When one encounters tension or stress of any kind, it is suggested to ask the tension why it is there, and to listen for the quiet response. By performing this regularly, one gets the feel for their own personal barometer, and does not allow their own emotions to build up and cause issues later on. One also gets a better feel for themselves and a greater understanding to their own emotional temperament.

I’ve tried this exercise. However, once I finished with the laundry list of “to-do’s” for the day, I realized that I’d spent my fifteen minutes, detailing my day. I hadn’t done the “work” that was necessary to check in with myself, to check to see how I was feeling. This would lead to having to start over again, which would add to my own personal frustration. It might have worked, had I given it half a chance, but I was too anxious to get on with my own day. By not doing the “check in” for myself, however, I found that a lot of emotions that I had been storing up eventually blew up, and those around me felt the impact of the outburst. Not the desired effect, and certainly not a positive outcome. “How you doin’?” “Not too well, after your tirade, thanks.”

This is where a lot of us get into trouble. We forget to listen to our bodies, we forget to listen to the voice of reason or the red flags that we are given throughout our lives, and we end up tripping over these hurdles and falling on our faces, with good reason. Had we listened to what we were telling ourselves, instead of shutting ourselves out, we might have avoided such trip-ups.

I am not saying that there will not be obstacles in Life after one does the “check in” work that is necessary for our own peace of mind. I have learned a new way to “check in” with how I am feeling, and I can honestly say that by doing these small exercises daily, I only allow the larger boulders thrown into the lake that is my Life to cause a ripple. And eventually, I’m hoping that even boulders thrown into the lake won’t even cause as much as a tiny movement of water.

One of the ways that I gauge how I’m doing is by journaling. Most of the time, I’m able to work through anger, frustration, rejection, hurt, and even misunderstanding. I come out a bit clearer after re-reading whatever I’ve written, and sometimes, I even have a better understanding of the situation, or even what was or was not said at the time. Journaling is important, because it forces you to be honest with yourself. This honesty is what actually helps you to check in with your own feelings, and sometimes, if we’re lucky, we can even come up with concrete solutions to pressing issues at hand. Journaling can be done on the computer, in a notebook, or even on scraps of paper. Some people take to burning their words after they write them, and some save them for future reference, to help them out of possible experiences in the future that might be similar. Journaling is a personal experience, and whatever makes you feel comfortable is what is right and best for you.

Another way to check in with yourself is to “scan” your body. This is much like the breathing exercise that I described earlier. It involves getting very quiet and very honest with yourself. Sitting in a room where you will not be distracted is best. Close your eyes, listen to some soft music (no words, just music that is soothing and settling – native flutes or drumming are very helpful), and quietly get in touch with your body. Wherever you feel pain or tightness, focus on the area for a time. If you feel you want to ask the pain and tightness a question, ask it why it is there. Listen patiently for a response. You might hear something like, “fear” or “anger”. You can further the conversation by asking the emotion why it is there. Listen gently, and be very gentle with yourself. Keep breathing slowly and deeply, and once you understand the emotion and even why it is present, allow it to be there in your body. Don’t fight it – that’s what causes more stress. When you allow the emotion to be there, you allow it to find its place in your body, and then it moves on. Fighting emotions and denying their existence is what causes us to feel overwhelming fatigue. I had a Taoist Master who once told me that “not checking in with yourself will always lead to emotions biting you in the butt.” And she was right. Unchecked emotions will always fester and make your life (and the lives of those around you) miserable.

Checking in with your own emotions regularly has been likened by some as an “emotional enema”. It’s cathartic, and helps to clear the path for a clearer mind and body. Sometimes, checking in will bring about tears, and sometimes it will bring joy, anger, or resentment. But once the emotions are recognized and brought into the light, they are then free to begin the process of healing. And that’s a win-win for you and for those around you!

So, the next time you ask someone how they’re doing, be sure to take a moment afterwards and ask yourself, “How am I doing?” You could end up feeling a lot better afterwards, and you could end up understanding yourself a whole lot better, too.