Social Media and Kids

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The other day I entered my teen daughter's room to say hi.  She was doing her homework while listening to music on iTunes.  She also had a window open with FaceTime discussing the homework with at least one friend while another window on her computer was open to Facebook so she could monitor her page. 

Social Media has become part of our lives whether we want it there or not.  Our children have been exposed to it from early age – anyone ever give their cell phone to a fussy baby?  I know I did.   I heard on NPR recently that when researchers showed babies blank screens, they tried to pinch and expand the screen as if it were an iPhone.  

When we text, check our email, post photos online or check our twitter feed, our children are watching us and receiving messages about how to balance technology and social media in our lives. 

In fact, social media has been so intricately woven into our lives that many of us haven’t had a chance to catch up and apply our parenting values.  By the time we figure out what Facebook is, the kids are onto Tumblr or, heaven forbid, Foursquare.   I remember giving my daughter an ipod touch without ever really considering that it enabled her to email and surf the internet at will – I was just intending to give her a source for music listening.  I unwittingly placed myself in a reactive rather than a proactive stance and needed to play catch up by placing limits and rules on its use. 

We invite parents to take time out and really think about social media and your family, to think about the values you want to impart to your children and how you want to fit social media into the equation.   Importantly, we invite you to consider your child and his or her temperament and personality.   Children are affected by and manage social media in different ways and you will want to base your decisions, in part, on your child’s personality and their developmental stage.  For example, a child who is impulsive and loves the thrill of risks will take to social media in a very different way than a child who forms a single best friend and is slow to warm up.  Similarly, children differ in their need to be connected to others and in their need for constant contact with their friends.

Social media can be challenging but it provides a platform to be very clear about your family’s values and beliefs.  We prefer to see it as yet another opportunity to help our children learn how to be kind, ethical, responsible, and strong individuals.   Having a conversation, or better yet a series of conversations with your children about privacy, respect, gossip, bullying, and the importance of downtime and reflection will help your child develop critical thinking skills about social media and relationships.  It also encourages open communication between you and your child and increases the odds that they will come to you if they are confused or in trouble. 

We’ve developed some basic rules for social media that we think apply to most situations.  In our seminar (see the website pediatricsonhudson.com for schedule) we will take a more in depth look by examining temperamental and developmental influences on social media use.  We will have conversations about what to do if you suspect that social media use has gone awry in your family, how to start a discussion on social media with your children and how to help your child if they are the victim or perpetrator of internet bullying.  We invite you to come join the conversation. 

  Basic Commonsense Social Media rules

1. Define use of technology as a privilege – not a right

2. Have an agreement with your child that they will be safe, responsible, and ethical online

3. You must have passwords for any online account and either you or a responsible adult must be child’s friend on Facebook. 

4. Your child may not share passwords – not even with best friend or romantic partner

5. Computer should be in a public place or door to room must be open if your child is on the computer

6.  No sleeping with phones or laptop

7. No electronics during meals

8. No websites or video games with anonymous commentators – such as formspring, xbox live