Urban Suburban Mom: Separation Anxiety

As the years pass by and you finally stop adding to the collection of degrees—high school, college, grad school—framed and hanging  on your office wall, the phrase "Back to School" starts to lose its chilling effect.  Until now.  Unlike parents of slightly older children, who are excitedly counting down the days until that first day back, moms of first-time pre-schoolers like me anxiously await the big day filled with mixed emotions.   

Sending your toddler off to pre-school is for sure a tremendous milestone in his short life. It ranks right up there with first words and first steps. "Where has the time gone?" you ask yourself, as you start narrowing down your pre-schools of choice.  Then you laugh and remind yourself that while time has moved along a bit too quickly, it has only been two years! 

In a society in which pre-schools are the new college—with every mom fighting to get her toddlers into kiddie-Harvard—there seems to be just as much anticipation and worry that comes with your little two-year-old's first time away from home: Where will he go to school? and How young should he start?

Applications, interviews, tours and supervised play-dates—what should be an exciting milestone can start to feel like the most daunting of processes. Luckily here in Westchester we dodge the city bullet of pre-school frenzy, writing application essays and paying fees one might think were college tuitions. We do however have a tremendous pool of phenomenal institutions to choose from to provide early childhood education and, most importantly, socialization to our curious little darlings.

From Temple Beth Shalom in Hastings, to the Community Nursery School of Dobbs, to Good Shepherd in Irvington and so many more in between. We have an abundance of prestigious choices here in the Rivertowns.

But no matter which you end up choosing or when you decide to enroll your child, as a mother of a first-timer, the first day is going to be tough. After all, it's his first experience out in the world on his own, sans Mommy.

I think the most important thing to do in prepping for pre-school, is to talk to your child about his exciting new adventure.  Tell him it will be filled with fun, new friends and new games.  Here are a few tips I have been finding super-helpful in prepping my son for his big first day: 

• If your child is a reader or, more likely, enjoys reading with you, try to integrate some "separation books" into your rotation.  I have found reading the Llama Llama series has been extremely helpful and relatable to my little guy.  "Llama Llama Misses Mama" is all about little llama's first day of school. It deals with his anxiety and feelings of his  leaving him there. Of course, in the end, Mamma Llama comes back and little llama learns he loves school and his mama.

• Just as you grew excited about new school clothes and gadgets, prep your tyke by including items in his back-to-school gear that he will be intrigued and comforted by: a cool backpack with his favorite characters, or animals.  Skip Hop makes awesome animal backpacks that little animal-lovers like mine flip for.  Or perhaps a cool thermos or sippy cup that is designated "specially" for school only. Or, if you have spawned a mini-fashionista, promise he or she can wear that cool, new retro-Sesame-Street T-Shirt.  Making special items stand out for school use only will bring a lot of excitement to the bi day when all these cool things are finally allowed to be used.

• A big anxiety issue for toddlers, believe it or not, is that when they aren't familiar with a new location and you leave them there, they fear you will not know how to get back to find them. Make it a point of driving to their school before it even starts. Park, walk around the grounds, and show your kids the school. Point out some distinct landmarks and some fun things on the grounds. It will help get them excited about school and feel comfortable that you know where they are going and, of course, where to pick them up. 

• Devise a mantra that your child gets familiar with and comfortable with when you leave them with a new teacher, sitter or grandparent. Ours is "Mommy's always coming back!"  My son, depending on his mood, will repeat it on and off when I am out running errands or working.  But knowing that, and my showing him that I do always come back, has made separation a lot easier for him.

As we have all come to see, our children have minds of their own and develop at their own speeds.  Some walk early, some late. Some chat up a storm by 10 months, whereas others may still be on the quiet side at 20. Just remember: They all come around.

Whether your child leaps into this new chapter with unbounded ambition and wide-eyed wonderment, or holds back, not sure to make of this new daily activity, each kid will make the adjustment in his own time.  Summer is quickly coming to a close and the big day is right around the corner.  Make sure your camera battery is charged and YOU stay strong and hold back those tears.  Yes, it is a HUGE step; but try to remind yourself it's not actually Harvard!