Family Remembers Hampton Bays Woman: 'Our Lives Were Shattered'

EAST END, NY — Sunday marked eight years since Barbara Tocci, 47, of Hampton Bays was killed in a head-on crash on Flanders Road—but for her family, the pain is just a heartbeat away.

And they carry on a mission of trying to put an end, forever, to distracted driving, her sister Susan Tocci said.

"Eight years ago today our lives were shattered," Susan said. "The lasting affects of sadness, an empty seat at the table and her quirky, one-eyebrow-up look and a nod of the head was her silent hello."

Those things, and everything about her, "is so dearly missed," Susan said. "No holiday, birthday, wedding or any other day will ever be the same. Instead it starts as it will today, a visit to her resting spot."

Sunday, however, wasn't the same as January 16ths in the years before Barbara died. January 16, Susan said, "used to be my sister Nancy's birthday. Nancy has not celebrated her birthday on this day since. Instead I watch the clock and recount every second of what happened that horrific day."

Police said the accident took place at 7:57 a.m. in 2014 near the intersection of Spinney Road and Flanders Road between a PSEG Truck and a Ford Explorer.

A Bayport PSEG LI driver was accused of texting his girlfriend before the crash; a judge dismissed a criminal negligence charge and the driver was later sentenced to community service, according to Newsday.

In the years since, Tocci erected a sign in Flanders urging motorists not to drive under the influence or text and drive.

In July, a rally, We Stand With Kadence And The Tocci Family Signs in support of the sign took place on Flanders Road, a half-mile east of the Big Duck in Flanders.

At the rally, Susan Tocci said her family never wanted to have had a tragic reason to erect the sign in the first place: "The message is clear: Do not do it. . . Do not text and drive."

The rally was organized after a woman sent complaints about the sign to town officials; the sign was allowed to remain.

On the day her sister died, on the day of the rally, and on Sunday, Susan thanked the community for their overwhelming and steady show of support.

Remembering that dark day eight years ago, Susan said: "The only sense of relief that day, is the people that came running to help and I'll never forget all of them that did," she said.

She will remain vigilant to keep sounding the call for safety — as she and her family live with an ever-present drumbeat of loss, she said.

"It's still hard each time you pass 'the spot' so instead, I give a friendly toot and say 'Hey, Barb' to make myself feel better, instead of envisioning her last moments of life. The pain never goes away, for none of her family," she said.

And that's why Susan will continue to remind people not to text and drive, she said. "Together we can stop another senseless death, be that person in the car to say, 'Put your phone down!' and practice what you preach. If you can help that person to avoid killing someone, you've saved two family's lives, because everybody's life changes — and we won't have to look back and say 'what if?' I'm sure Barbara will be smiling that big beautiful, dimple filled smile down on you as you do," she said.

Eight years later, Barbara has a singular message: "Help end distracted distracted driving," she said.

And to Barbara, Susan sent a message of love: "Forever in our hearts, my beautiful sister, and never to be forgotten, as long as I am alive."