I'm The Mom I Never Thought I'd Be

I want to take this time to apologize to all the moms out there who I criticized for trying to preserve their babies, for laughing at their traumatic reactions to their child going off to school for the first time, and for thinking that off-site daycare was something to be nervous about. I want to apologize because I’m officially one of these moms I judged. What goes around does come around.

After more than 2 ½ years of building a full-time business, and balancing my work between babysitter schedules and a fireman’s schedule, I’ve finally surrendered to daycare. With my work only increasing, Ryan deserving to socialize with other children his age, and simply for my own sanity, I finally made the decision it was time for daycare or “school.” (again, I never understood why this term made parents feel better about sending their children into the hands of another caretaker, but I totally get it now)

We will be following in our beliefs to support our local community by sending Ryan to the brand new, Kids Green Valley Early Learning Center, located 10 minutes from our house. The decision as to where we would send Ryan was very easy—since it was the only place that had availability. Another piece of advice I refused to believe—that you essentially have to register your child for daycare when they’re born. We visited Kids Green Valley multiple times, attended their open house and had a personal introduction with the teacher. Each time Ryan loved being there more, which made my anxiety subside as much as it possibly could. Therefore, while it may have been one of our only options, we really do feel good about it.

While I understand it’s time for Ryan to socialize, learn, and most importantly get out of the house, as a mom I’m finding it hard to cut the cord. I feel for those women who must send their babies off to daycare with their bottles and formula, but there’s also something to be said about the child being so young and not able to comprehend. Now that Ryan understands way more than I’m prepared for, I am filled with a million ridiculous fears including:

1. I know Ryan will understand that I’m leaving him at “school,” but what if he doesn’t understand that Mommy and/or Daddy will be back to pick him up?
2. Beverages are like crack for my son…if he calls for his “juice cup” 6 times in 3 hours, will he be allowed to be sufficiently hydrated?
3. Ryan’s eating personality changes daily…is he going to agree to eat the only option for a meal he has without my weakness of giving him second and third choices, or will he just starve?
4. If, when he finally naps at school, will he sleep, or will he lie awake scared crying for his mommy?

While these panic attack inducers do keep me up for a few minutes at night, I do know that I’m doing this FOR my son, not TO my son. It’s time—for all of us, and I’m confident once we transition into this routine, I won’t remember life any other way.

So, again, moms that don’t even know I thought were crazy, I’m truly sorry, because it is becoming evident I’m crazier than any of you.

Good luck to my baby boy and to all those kids (and moms) who are starting school for the first time this year!