I'm not buying your makeup, Mary Kay

I went to training camp a couple of weeks ago. It was a beautiful, sunny day with blue skies and 85 degree temps. The Browns were practicing hard and I was...distracted, as usual.

I noticed I was standing close to Browns beat writer Mary Kay Cabot. If you know me at all or if you've read any of my Bitter Orange & Brown posts, you'll know that my mind goes to some weird places. And I tend to write about those places on this blog. 

Oh, and I am obsessed with makeup. (The latter will be important in a second. So hang on...)

As I was watching the defensive backs practice in front of me, I was thinking about how many Mary Kays I know. Do you know many? I don't. 
I cannot help it, but this is always where my mind always goes when I hear her name:

So-so quality cosmetics. And parties to make you buy them. Ugh.

I can't be the only one, right, ladies?

I was wondering if I met Mary Kay that day in Berea, would she try to sell me makeup? 

Or make me have a dreaded home party? 

"Invite your friends! It'll be super funnnnnnn!!!!!"

I was wondering if the popularity of the name died with the rise of the cosmetic brand.

Perhaps.

Then I wondered if Mary Kay drives one of those sweet pale pink Cadillacs to Browns Stadium on game days.

I suppose that if she were trying to convince the fans of something in her Browns coverage, such as "Derek Anderson is a franchise quarterback", we could finally use a different metaphor besides drinking the ubiquitous Kool-Aid.

We could say we aren't buying Mary Kay's makeup.

(So hurry up and say something persuasive and outlandish, MKC, so I can say that around my friends and sound clever and droll in an Oscar Wilde sort of way.)

Is it also strange that hearing Mary Kay Cabot's name reminds me of Henry Cabot Lodge (Jr.)? His name is linked with Richard M. Nixon's in my memory though I don't care enough to check Wikipedia to learn about who he was or what he did. It just reminds me of one of my favorite movies - Dick (1999). And I smile.


Hmmm....perhaps I should have been paying more attention at training camp. 

Kristen Kaleal is a professional wardrobe stylist and fashion writer who would trade places with Mary Kay Cabot any day - Freaky Friday-style. Though she realizes Mary Kay's credibility might suffer if she started writing articles like this for the Plain Dealer. But still, at least she's not Tony Grossi.

Follow Kristen on Twitter @kristenkaleal 

Bitter Orange & Brown is the only Cleveland Browns blog written by women.

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