In This Corner ... a Chubby Guy With a Mustache

And in the other corner ... 

Same.

We thought with the Browns playing their third preseason game tonight in Philly that we need to answer a question that has been lurking in our hearts and in our minds since ... maybe sometime last season?

 

Yes, it's an epic battle for the ages tonight, sports fans. Finally our chance to pit the challenger, Eagles coach Andy Reid against his time-traveling mentor and two-time world champion, Cleveland Browns president Mike Holmgren.

"Iron" Mike Holmgren has agreed to meet up with George Carlin's ghost at the Circle K and hop into the ol' phone booth to go back a few years. At least to his Seattle days.

But first he wanted to get a couple of slushies, of course.

 

And now, without further ado.....

LET'S GET READY TO RUMMMMMBBBBLLLLLE  ! ! ! ! !

 

IT'S....

THE BATTLE OF WHO LOOKS MORE LIKE 50-SOMETHING MIKE HOLMGREN!!!

 

(I told them they were battling for a giant slushie, by the way. INSTANT DEATH MATCH!!!!)

So who wins? 

Tonight may be the battle, but more importantly, who will win the war? 

Yes, that's right. We are waging an all-out war in Operation Chubby Stache until we have a definitive answer.

The best part is it will only cost the U.S. government twenty million dollars a day! Far cheaper than any of the current wars we're fighting. 

We learned all about being cheapo war mongers on Extreme Couponing. And we need our practice. It's our ticket to reality TV and darn it, we're going to take it!

So you're next, He-Who-REALLY-Must-Not-Be-Named. (Also known as the current Eagles quarterback.)

YEAH, THIS IS WAR. YOU BETTER RUN.

 

Because I just had a huge convenience store slushie and I'm on a massive sugar high.

 

"In football, during the game ... you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being."

- George Carlin 

 

Follow Kristen on Twitter @kristenkaleal 

Bitter Orange & Brown is the only Cleveland Browns blog written by women and as far as we know, the only Browns parody site. Even though sometimes we wonder what's the point?! The Browns are already pretty good at parodying themselves!

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