Note to Young Girls: Any Young Man is a Good Catch -- Just be Grateful You Have One

While at I overheard two women discussing the latest column from “America’s Most Widely-Read Parenting Expert,” John Rosemond. The women were dismayed at his response to a mother who wrote for advice about her 19-year-old daughter’s boyfriend.

 My interest piqued, I looked up the column in question, “Sarcastic Boyfriend isn’t All Bad.” The parents were concerned with the way their daughter’s boyfriend speaks to her: “(His) response to almost anything my daughter says is a cut or put-down, a dismissal of her accomplishment or mocking.” The mother says she attempted to call the boyfriend’s attention to this behavior without result, and added her husband is “refraining himself from giving this kid a poke in the nose!”

Rosemond’s advice for the “responsible, level-headed” daughter?  “Do everything you can to keep him!”

Rosemond based his advice partly on the mother’s statement that the boyfriend was serious about his academic and career goals. The columnist felt “this one annoying habit” could be overlooked because of the boyfriend’s other qualities.

“Your daughter's boyfriend is an exception to the rule, obviously. He's not into partying, playing video and online games, proving that he can drink more beer than his friends and still remain conscious, and dressing in over-sized, ill-fitting clothes that make him look like a 6-foot toddler.”

Feminism at fault

Rosemond suggested the mother read  Kay S. Hymowitz’s Feb. 19 essay in the Wall Street Journal, “Where Have All the Good Men Gone?” as well as read her book, “Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men Into Boys.” Apparently, Rosemond felt Hymowitz’s message would help the family understand what a wonderful boyfriend he was compared to other males of his age.

Hymowitz’s thesis is that modern females enter adulthood much earlier than men and are willing to accept responsibilities men won’t. She argues young men are experiencing a delayed, drawn-out adolescence into their 20s and sometimes even 30s. Women can’t find any “good men,” in part, Hymowitz theorizes, because women who move ahead quickly in the professional world don’t need husbands and fathers for their children due to their advanced economic status. Hymowitz ends her WSJ essay by saying, “Why should they (males) grow up? No one needs them anyway. They have nothing to do.”

As I write this on International Women’s Day (March 8), I must admit I am disgusted by Rosemond’s advice and Hymowitz, too. Rosemond and Hymowitz seem to be parroting a common response to smart, accomplished and independent women: We’re ruining men! And, because we have ruined them, we should accept bad behavior from them as a natural consequence for our misdeeds. We asked for it, right?

Signs of abuse

This brings me to another point about Rosemond’s advice: Telling a young woman verbal and emotional abuse is an “annoying habit” and to be grateful you caught a great man is just plain wrong.  The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence lists name-calling, ridicule, criticism and public humiliation as emotional or psychological abuse. Often, this type of abuse is a precursor to physical violence.

 As the mother of a young daughter, I feel Rosemond’s advice is way off track, and his justification of it by invoking Hymowitz’s theories feels even worse. I hope the girl’s parents disregarded “America’s Most Widely-Read Parenting Expert’s” suggestions and explained to her why her boyfriend’s behavior was unacceptable.

Even better, I hope they told her to turn on her heel and run.