A Powerful Lesson About Jealousy

Several years ago, I happened to be sitting in a doctor’s waiting room with some time on my hands. Although I had a book, my mind (and ears) wandered. There was a woman sitting across from me, dressed impeccably and in possession of personal belongings that allowed me to jump to the immediate conclusions that she was: #1) a mom and #2) held a very demanding job.

At this point in my own life, I was struggling (unsuccessfully, I might add) with severe postpartum depression. I felt like a complete failure as a wife and mother, utterly incapable of handling the daily stresses of caring for newborn. This woman that I began observing over my unread novel seemed like the embodiment of everything I was not…

• she was beautiful (i.e. she was wearing makeup, actually styled her hair and was dressed in something other than a spit-up stained shirt and "mommy jeans")
• she was confident and self-assured (while she handled business calls and worked on her laptop, I hid behind my book and silently fumed at the long wait)
• she was employed (and, of course, I quickly jumped to the conclusion that she easily and peacefully balanced work and home life with ease and had the disposable income to buy her child anything he or she desired)

In a matter of minutes, I had managed to put myself down in more ways than I could even count while elevating this complete stranger to modern parenting sainthood.

While I lamented my personal inadequacies, my new hero took a call on her incredibly fancy cell phone. Eavesdropping was inevitable in such a small room, and, as a result, I soon learned an important lesson in gratitude. You see, the woman whose life I had been coveting during my short stay in the doctor’s waiting room was under more stress than I could begin to imagine.

She spoke of the treatment plan for her severely autistic and behaviorally challenged son. Over the phone, she shared her frustration with trying to locate qualified doctors to continue the extremely expensive (and thus far unsuccessful) therapy he was currently receiving. Apparently, she was in that waiting room while her son underwent yet another in a series of invasive tests for long-term physical problems. Her employer was not cooperating with her repeated absences, the insurance company was rejecting many of the prescribed medications, and her husband was distancing himself from the child who did not fit his image of perfection.

And here I was wishing for her life…

Although this incident took place more than five years ago, I clearly remember both how grateful I felt when I left that waiting room and how shamed I was for making such rash assumptions. I’m embarrassed to say that I still have been known to wish for what I do not have. However, I quickly remind myself of the proverb “Never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes” and decide that my scruffy sneakers fit me just fine!

Do you struggle with comparing yourself with others, either positively (“Wow, at least I’m a better mom/salesman/public speaker than him/her!”) or negatively (“She/he’s got it all, I’m such an idiot compared to her/him!”)? What tricks do you use to reign yourself in when you notice it?