Drive-Thru Inconvenience

9:15 a.m. Wednesday morning… I’m hungry. The “Drive Thru” window sign catches my eye and I immediately turn into a Pavlonian bloodhound, drooling all over myself in anticipation of breakfast.

I’m a little turned off by the fact that there is no menu board or tinny speaker to deal with before getting behind the other cars. Maybe this is an attempt at personal service or perhaps just a budget-cutting effort? I don’t have time to ponder… it’s my turn at the window.

“Hi. I’d like a cheeseburger with fries, small Coke, and a side order of square-cut onion rings. Hold the breading on the rings… I’m trying to eat healthy.”

The girl looks puzzled. Maybe it's her first day on the job?

“I’m sorry sir, but we don’t serve cheeseburgers or fries.”

No cheeseburgers or fries? What kind of place is this?

“Okay, fine. I’ll just take the rings – no breading – and the small Coke.”

“Sir, I think you have it all wrong. We don’t serve onion rings or Coke either.”

You know, just my luck. I’ll bet it’s a drive-thru sushi place or something.

“Fine, fine. Look, I’m really hungry. Can you suggest something?”

“Sir, unless you’d like a book or a CD or DVD, I can’t really help you. You’re at the Lakewood Library.”

Ha! Great name for a fast food joint. ‘The Lakewood Library.’ Genius. Pure Genius.

“So what kind of food do you serve here?”

“We don’t serve food here. We’re a library!”

Okay, this game wasn’t fun any more. Cute name, nice building, but I was hungry. If I wanted to work this hard for my breakfast, I would have trapped my own squirrel.

I sped off, making a mental note to myself to call the owner of said ‘Lakewood Library’ to complain about the terrible service.

After that horrifying ordeal, I was just too upset to eat, but I drove by what looked to be an interesting prospect for lunch. A drive-thru ATM (sounds French?) was attached to something called ‘Huntington Bank.’ Sounds a little upscale for fast food, but I’m willing to give it a try.