You're my best friend

It’s Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day is a day for love and hope and romance and candy and flowers and engagement rings, and jewelry and love. The question is what makes relationships work? Why do half of Americans get divorced in their first marriage and even more in their respective marriages? I asked many people who have been married for over 50 years and they all seemed to have the same answer, at least in so many words, "we both just wanted to stay together." So, if two people make a commitment and both decide to stay together – does that garner a good relationship? I did not really ask these couples if they were happy or not ... Just why they stayed married so long.

Looking at various people, who I have known over the course of my life, who seem to have good marriages I notice one important factor. (Now I am purely basing this on my own speculation – of course you never know what goes on behind closed doors) The factor that I seem to see with happy couples is passion. The couples who touch frequently, that dance closely, that look at each other across the room and make eye contact seem to me to be the couples who are happiest.

I remember a couple who were in their 90s who had been together for over 80 years. Can you imagine being married for 77 years and together for 82 years? That is a long, long, long time. Every night they danced together for a song or two. He would turn on one of their many favorites song, whether in the kitchen or on the dance floor, and take her in his arms; it took about 10 minutes a day. When I commented how much he loved to dance he looked at me incredulously and said, "I hate to dance, but she loves it, so I take 10 minutes of my day and make her happy." This is what constitutes a good relationship to me – making a sacrifice, doing something that truly makes the other person happy, even if it is something you just don't care to do. Dr. Phil claims that when he wakes up in the morning, his first thought is “how I can make my wife happy today?”

Next, I think that friendship is a key element in a relationship. I feel that you need to be best friends that you should be with the person that you want to tell about your day, the person you want to share your life with. The person you want to argue about politics or watch television with each night – the person you have not only a life with, but common interests with as well. I think it is so important for people in a relationship to have a lot of common interests and similar backgrounds. Not everybody can be exactly the same, but you do have to have things that you enjoy doing together. If you both love movies or the same kind of music and the same kind of politics, you have a better chance of being happy.

They say opposites attract, but I beg to differ. I want to be with somebody who likes the beach, not the ski slopes. Could I compromise and go skiing? Of course, but in the long run I would not really be happy having to compromise all the time... which would eventually build resentments. I see a lot of couples who do not seem to have the same interests and I have to admit, they do not seem so happy together.

I recently ran into an old friend of mine, who told me that most of her friends have gotten divorced since the children left school. She thought that although her marriage was a little, "stale," she was sticking with her husband of 25 years. She stated that most of her friends "think the grass is greener on the other side, and then realize that the grass is not so green." I remember watching an episode of All in the Family where Edith Bunker talks about her marriage to Archie and how she went through spells where she did not love him, but then started loving him again for no particular reason. She tells her daughter that many couples have these problems, but they eventually pass. She reminded me of my friend who said, "The grass is not always greener on the other side." Are these people happy together or just staying together because they are afraid of being alone? Again, there are three sides to every story – His Side, Her Side and the Truth!

Lastly, let's talk about commitment and what it means to a woman versus a man. A man does not look at the importance of every little issue – they are just wired differently than women. Women look at an engagement ring or a wedding ring as important, a sign of commitment. When a woman hears somebody has become engaged, the first words out of her mouth are, "Let me see your ring." Men do not really get the significance of that ring – and how women equate that the bigger the ring, the more he loves you. I guess that is why anniversary rings are so popular now- the more diamonds- the more she knows you are committed. (LOL)

Please remember, the opinions I give are purely my own speculations. If you have somebody you truly love you are a very lucky person. Don't take them for granted, let them know you love them – especially on Valentine’s Day. Remember, life is short and unconditional love is rare! Happy Valentine's Day.

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