Roses are red, violets are blue… Do I still love you?

Valentine’s Day is upon us and it is the perfect time to take stock in your relationships.

February 14th is not just a day for lovers, despite what the marketers try to tell us. Rather, this holiday is more importantly for those who are single or feeling alone in their relationship. Now is the time to seek the change that will make your life better.

For the married folks, I hope that change is not initiated by first calling a divorce lawyer. Although, I am certainly not suggesting that I would not be willing to take your telephone call.

Seriously, your priority should be getting your “ducks in a row” before you bring up the “D” word (divorce / dissolution). However, if you are in imminent danger of physical and/or financial harm then obviously seek the appropriate legal assistance.

So what is getting your ducks is a row? Sorry, I do not have a blanket answer. It is going to be different for each individual, but the start is to decide what direction the change is going to take you.

Just like a legal contract, a marital relationship can be changed by a modification of the terms. The problems that plague many marriages are very similar to issues associated with business partners. Power struggles, lack of communication, money, loyalty and divergent goals are common to both situations.

If the marriage is worth saving, then move forward with professional help to develop a consensus between you and your partner. Even if the marriage counseling does not result in reinvigorated relationship between the two of you, the benefit could be a degree of harmony for the next step.

If change for you means cancelling the contract rather then amending the terms then getting your “ducks in a row” might well begin with the lawyer. However, running to the court house on February 15th to file the divorce case may not be the best approach.

For example, do you realize that your future social security benefits maybe dependent upon your current marriage lasting at least 10 years or more? (Caveat this issues assumes additional factors including the viability of Social Security into the future).

In addition, aggressive litigation, although sometimes necessary, is rarely the most time- and cost-effective means to resolving your marriage. But again, lawyer talk -- “each person’s situation is unique and only after careful consultation should your decision be so guided.”

Let me circle back to the start. If your roses are red and your violets are blue then congratulations as you are blessed. If not so much, then look at Valentine’s Day as the point where you take the steps to make change. Only you know what the change should be even if you just don’t currently recognize it. Good Luck. 

Legal blogs are a form of informational advertising and should not be taken as legal advice.  Please contact me at bill.joherl@roadrunner.com if you have any questions about this topic and/or another legal matter.

Bill Joherl

P.S. – Yes, Theresa I do love you.