Laughs for the New Year

Everyone’s favorite part of our family’s end-of-year newsletter is always the list of “funny stuff” that my four kids come up with throughout the year. To help you start your year with a smile, here is part of this year’s list:

• Sadie to her friend Dalton: “Hey, you run like a girl! And that’s a compliment!”
• Jed to his dad: “I a man too!” Dad: “Yep, buddy, you’re a man like Dad!” Jed: “No, Dad! Wanna watch I-ron-Man 2!”
• We watched King Kong and laughed at his googly-love-bird eyes and giant smile until the girl got away. Then Adelaide shook her head and said, “Welp, I guess this means the smiling part is over!”
• Jed: “Dere’s cweepy tings in da woods. Wike cwabs and wolfs and sharks and stwollers and soldiers and statues. Us be cwying in da woods!”
• Sadie to Josie: “If you were the last person on earth and you had the last baby on earth and you were that baby’s mom, what would you name it?” Josie: “Lucky.”
• When Grandma Beth saw an article in the newspaper about Adelaide going to the Lego Club, she said, “Adelaide! How did you make the paper?” Adelaide replied with a sigh: “Grandma, I didn’t make paper. I made LEGOS.”
• After a fight over a favorite book, Sadie said: “I had it first!” Josie said, “Didn’t you learn anything in Sunday School? The last shall be first!”
• Sadie, singing to her pestering little brother: “This old man, he said NO!”
• Mom to Jed: “Do you know what color this balloon is?” Jed: “Yeah…it’s poop.”
• Backing out of a parking space, I asked, “Is there anyone behind me?” Jed piped up from the backseat: “Me! Me! I behind you, Mommy!”
• Me: “I found a gray hair!” Adelaide: “Don’t worry. I’ll still love you when you’re old. I’ll also still love you when you’re DEAD. But that won’t be for a while, right? Wait a second… How old are you again?”
• Jed, after ‘tooting’ on my leg: “Hey. It ‘tinks in here.”
• “Jed, how did you get out of your bed?” Jed: “I climb out.”
• Adelaide, playing airplane: “And now, I will repair for take-off!”
• Josie to me as I ran alongside her, carrying her brother: “Yah, mule! Yah!”
• “Sadie, do not pile up any more blankets on the floor!” Sadie: “But MOM, the flord is har!” Mom: “But Sadie, you are a pat rack!”
• Sadie, in a thwarted compliment attempt: “Mom, you are a handsome woman.”
• Josie, in yet another thwarted compliment attempt: “You’re like a cow, Mom. You’re a good mom. Like a cow.”
• Josie, annoyed that someone up ahead of her said that she was a slowpoke: “WELL, I MIGHT BE, BUT I HOPE THAT YOU REMEMBER I HAVE EXCELLENT HEARING!”
• Adelaide: “There’s a little man that lives inside all of us—and that man’s name is Plaque. I learned that in my Teeth Class.”
• Adelaide: “To catch a leprechaun, you have to lick him on his eyes.” Josie, laughing: “Not LICK him on his eyes! LOOK him IN his eyes!”
• “Why does it say TV on that screen?” Sadie: “That’s just its name. Its first name is “T.” It’s last name is “V.”
• Adelaide: “You don’t look like my mom. You kinda look like a witch.”
• Josie to her sister: “Can’t you see that I’m INVESTIGATING something? I’ll let you have this when I am done with my INVESTIGATION! This is a serious INVESTIGATION that I am INVESTIGATING!”
• Jed came into the kitchen with his toy hammer and said, “Hammer time!”
• Adelaide: “I smell fear.”
• Sadie: “Which marshmallow is healthier? Pink or white? Neither? Okay. I’ll use both.”
• Adelaide’s disciples: “Rupert, Simeon, Levi, Judah…”
• Adelaide singing: “Rocka my soul in da booba da Abraham, oh rocka my soul…”
• Jed: "Sud-up." Sadie: "Jed! Don't say that!" Jed: "You did." Sadie: "Yes, but don't listen to me. I'm a bad example."
• After I gave blood, Jed said, “Poor Mommy. Dey stuck a noodle in yours arm.”
• Mom: “Jed, you may not hammer any more nails until you put your pants back on!”
• Jed to Mom, who is cleaning up a mess: You a good mom.” Mom: “Oh, thank you, my sweet boy. That is so nice to say – that I’m a good mom.” Jed: “No, Mom! You a good MOP.”
• Jed: Mom! Dere's somebody here! Dere is PEOPLE here! Me: Who is it? Jed: It us.
• Mom: “Aren’t you hot in that coat?” Adelaide: “Yes. I’m just wearing it for fashion.”
• Jed: “I play beanbags. Try and get em in da hole. I gotta pocus.”
• Sadie, when asked what she’d say to a bully: "Well, first I'd say to stop it and pick on someone your own size. THEN, I'd say, 'Hey, Buster, why don't you just go on home now -- and re-think your life?'"
• Adelaide: "Mom, can I sit in the front seat with no carseat?" Me: "Um, NO. What do you think this is?" Adelaide: "Well, a free country."
• Mom: "Adelaide, how did I get so lucky to have you as my kid?" Adelaide: "I don't really know. You're just lucky. Yep... You're da luckiest girl in town."
• Mom to Jed: "You are such a handsome guy. Where did you get that from? Mommy or Daddy?" Jed: "From de bafroom."
• I love the color-blindness and sweet innocence of children. When we were discussing civil rights and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Adelaide said, "Wait... We're WHITE?!”
• Adelaide: "I hurt my finger in the door!" Me: "Should I kiss it?" A: "No." Me: "Should I laugh?" A: "No." Me: "Should I cry?" A: "No." Me: "Well, what should I do then?" A: "You should call on The Lord, that's what! And say, hey, oh Lord, come over here and help me with this finger!"
•  Dr. Josie to her patient, Grammie: “Don't worry. Everything's gonna be fine. You're just gonna die soon.”

I hope your year is a good one. Oh, and don’t worry – everything is gonna be fine!

If you have some favorite funny sayings from your kids, I’d love to hear them.