Coffee Boosts Brain’s Ability to Store Long-Term Memory: Scientists have found that a shot of caffeine greatly enhances the brain’s ability to store long-term memories. Too bad, I was kind of hoping to one-day forget just how much money I spend at Starbucks.
Police Car Carrying LA Mayor Hits Elderly Woman: Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti was a passenger in a police car that struck and injured an elderly woman crossing the street in an area notorious for its jaywalking. At the risk of sounding unsympathetic, just what the hell is a pedestrian doing out walking in LA anyway? On a positive note, at least she wasn't thrown under a bus.
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Penis Pumps Cost Government $172 Million: A report from the Department of Health and Human Services said the government’s Medicare program spent $172.4 million on 474,000 claims for vacuum erection systems (Penis pumps) for senior citizens from 2006 to 2011. Seems like kind of a waste of money in light of the fact that Miley Cyrus has already pointed out that “after 40, people don’t have sex anymore.” On the other hand, supporters call it the fastest way to “pump” cash into our “limp” economy.
Many Say Plus-Sized Models Are Not Large Enough: An angry debate is raging in the fashion community as to whether most of the “plus-sized” models these days are actually large enough to be considered plus-sized. So I’m guessing that if the current plus-sized models gained more weight, it would be a big plus.
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Cannibal Eats Man for Revenge: Ouandja Magliore, the self-proclaimed "Mad Dog" of the Central African Republic, said he ate another man’s flesh as “revenge” after Muslims killed some of his family members. OK, if he ate him for revenge, then that’s understandable. On the other hand, if he ate him because he wanted an afternoon snack, that would be quite a different story altogether.
Philadelphia Police Seek Swiss Cheese Masturbator: A number of women in the the Mayfair area of Philadelphia have filed complaints with police stating that a man has driven up to them in parking lots and exposed himself while asking to be masturbated with a slice of Swiss cheese. I am a bit surprised. I would have assumed he would be using jack cheese instead. When they do arrest him, I bet they’ll find big holes in his story. The bottom line is this man is a muenster and needs to leave these poor women provolone.