LETTING GO

March 17 marked the 2nd anniversary of my new life as a single!  Losing my friend, lover, and husband of 45 years has not been easy, but from the beginning I knew I had to find a way to enjoy my new life.  Grief has never been linear, but it has never stopped moving forward.  Today, I can honestly say I am okay.  I am okay with eating out alone.  I am okay with going to a movie alone.  I am okay in so many ways I thought I never could be.

This is my adventure.  I find it takes courage, strength and a great sense of humor to traverse through some of things I face today…but life in general takes those same qualities to move on.  

I thank everyone for the support and kind words you have shared with me in response to what I have written in the past.  My book Wife to Widow to Single: One woman's journey through widowhood, provided healing feedback and I am grateful for that. You were definitely the wind beneath my wings when I believed I had none.   These last two years have been full of personal growth for me.  The first year after losing Pat found me in a fog.  I was walking, talking, and doing things, but mostly in reaction to the feelings of the moment.  I also made mistakes and did things that I was not happy about after the moment passed, but I learned along the way in my journey, that being human and having needs is nothing to be ashamed of.  

At the same time, I have decided that I am important, and what I want to do in my life is important.  As a wife, mother, and caretaker, I put my own needs on the back burner of life many times, and now the sweet taste of freedom to be spontaneous feels so good I am not wanting to let go of it—at least for now.  

I want to be open to as many experiences and events as I can before my time comes to slow down.  I have traveled and plan for more.  I have made new friends.  I am taking classes and challenging myself by allowing myself to leave my comfort zone (up to a point).  

I invite you to join me as I continue to grow and learn.  I might make you cry, think, and even provoke you at times, but most importantly I hope I’ll make you laugh!  Together we can enjoy the day by accepting the change that is handed to us and find the courage to change the things that cause us pain.  

I’ll leave you with this:  My son told me about a sermon he heard at his church on letting go.  His Pastor ended by saying, “The last movement of an embrace is the letting go.”    And so it is time to let go of the pain of loss and embrace the life yet to be lived.