SOME DAYS ARE JUST HARD

As I read other stories of those who lost their partners in life, I see a common theme.  Adjusting to living alone and finding a new purpose in living.  I keep pushing to make both happen but there are days when it is just hard.  The following two poems just emptied out of me.  I have learned through my years if I allow expression to my feelings, the junk gets cleared and I can move on.  So I'm going for it!

RAMBLING THOUGHTS OF A WIDOWS HEART

Ears ring with silence

thoughts dance through my head

broken scrambled reaching longing

allowing thoughts to fill me

searching for purpose

for connection

for life

Being alone has its moments

creative energy flows

fills me

then the loneliness—no one to share things with

and the silence once again roars in my head

We are not meant to be alone 

to stand outside and look in

we are a tribe 

we need to belong

to feel

to touch

to hug

to be part of something

I walk along the river and watch others

stroll too

I see hands being held

and I think of you

we never took many steps 

without reaching out to each other

Connected

Loved

Accepted

Purpose

I long for these feelings to come to me again

but I wonder if ever.

Once again I keep moving

facing forks in the road.

fighting hard to not give up

working on enjoying the day

taking steps to go out and play 

I am…

I am what?  

I am…me.

**************

ONE IS A LONELY NUMBER

What am I…who am I…

An old women, whose life has been lived

yet days remain and what do I give?

I don’t want to intrude, to be a pest or a bore

I just want to belong

Nothing much…nothing more

If I have something to share

there is no one to call

no one who cares

just me and the wall

Do I shout to the world

hey look at me

do I stand meekly by

hoping you see.

I try hard to be helpful

I work to be kind

but in the end it is me

that lives alone in my mind

I don’t want to hide 

from the world I enjoy

I will just keep moving 

until someone I find

that will friend me and like me

and think of me as kind

I hope you’ll see through my mask

that I ‘m tender and loving

as we are on this journey—those of us who live alone

you would think we could find each other

and end this world of loneliness.