The Difference Between SURRENDER and SUBMISSION

I truly hope that last weekend you had a magnificent date night out with your lover like I had with Paul! Holy Wow! Paul took me out for a truly hot, deliciously romantic and exciting date! And it was all at the last minute! I love those unexpected surprises!

Saturday was spent having family fun time. We are blessed to have our day filled with laughter and fun…and birthday parties at bouncy houses, and laser tag and dancing to the Frozen soundtrack and chalk on the driveway….lots of play and lots of family fun!

So by 5 pm on Saturday, we had already had a pretty FULL day and we had no plans yet for the evening, except we knew we had a sitter coming at 6pm!  There’s a tip for you, schedule the sitter every Saturday that you can, and don’t cancel, even if you forget to make plans!! You’ll figure something out. As you will see we did….

So we had no reservations and hadn’t even thought about going out.  When Paul asked me what I wanted to do for the night I said “I’d love to do something where ‘I’m NOT a mom’ for a few hours.”  My brilliant hubby told me to go “change” out of my “family” clothes and get ready to go OUT!

LOVE IT!

We got a last minute reservation at one of our favorite restaurants in Philly, POD!! We ate and talked for HOURS! It was so magnificent.

I love going out on a date with Paul. As a woman who once struggled to get out of her masculine side….today I completely DELIGHT in immersing fully into my feminine energy and surrendering completely to Paul for a magnificent night out!

As a mom and a business owner all week, it’s like a “spa day” for my brain and nervous system to surrender to Paul when we go out together!

From releasing my expectations and surrendering to his planning the date, to delighting in him driving our big honkin’ Sequoia through the city streets of Philly, surrendering to his navigation as he takes my hand and leads me to our table…to everything that followed!  There’s nothing more delicious to me then surrendering to that man!!

It is SURRENDERING. Surrendering is NOT a bad word.

The energy around surrendering is my ability to release “driving” and “directing” in the moment and trust and enjoy Paul’s decision making, navigation and leadership FOR me. That’s one of the keys…his leadership is always FOR me, meaning, he acts in MY best interest.

What is the difference between SURRENDER and SUBMISSION?

It can sometimes LOOK the same on the outside, but it feels completely different for the people involved.

Energetically and emotionally, when I SURRENDER to Paul, I’m delighting in something that he is providing TO me, it’s a gift and I enjoy every second of it. I want it. I love it.

It’s delightful not to have to make decisions. It’s a “vacation” for me not to have to PLAN everything.  It’s like being pampered to have him navigate me wherever I need to go. It’s the ultimate in relaxation to be LED by my magnificent man!

It’s also very HOT and feels very seductive.

For me to have the opportunity to release from all my masculine skills and tools, like driving, pushing, deciding, directing, protecting and everything else (which I also use at times during my day as a mom) is a tremendous relief, replenishment and rejuvenation.

When I SURRENDER to Paul, his decision making, navigation and leadership is FOR ME.

It’s not him leading me around to do what HE wants. It’s him understanding what delights me, knowing how to make me deliciously happy, creating that for me and leading me through the experience he created FOR ME.

Yes, it would be totally self-less of Paul to do that, except that his greatest joy in life is to make me happy and WIN with me (as it is for ALL MEN)!

How is this different than SUBMISSION?

Energetically and emotionally, being submissive is not something that a woman (or anyone) wants.  In a submissive situation, the man (or leader) is deciding, navigating and leading for HIS OWN best interest, DESPITE it being AGAINST the best interest of the woman (or other person).   The act of SUBMITTING to someone else is literally the act of submitting to what THEY want you to do, when you do NOT want to do it.  It is not something that both parties enter into willingly and excitedly.

Do you feel now how HUGE a difference there is energetically and emotionally between SURRENDER and SUBMISSION?

The act of surrendering to your man is an exercise in opening into your feminine energy. If you are currently stuck more in your masculine, this idea of surrender might be REPELLANT or TERRIFYING to you. That’s ok sweetie. Many years ago, when I was deeply rooted in my masculine energy, I would have felt the same way.

If that’s the case for you, it’s a great indicator to you that you are living more in your masculine right now.

In reality, many of the women that I work with are stuck in their masculine energy right now, and very much desire to get back to their feminine core energy, open to their man, create the SPARK of passion they want and ultimately experience this kind of SURRENDER!

Most women who I work now have the understanding that they WANT that (previously off the radar) and just don’t know HOW to get it!

Surrendering is a great PRACTICE. Yes, it takes practice.

Here’s an exercise for you. Take baby steps. Choose to surrender your control for a short window of time or small experience.  Perhaps for just 10 minutes choose to surrender to your man and not control what comes next. Choose to surrender to your man’s navigation as you take a walk around the block. Something small.

AND, choose something where your man has a natural leadership ability already, like driving, going for a walk, directing a project.

To be fair, if you are a woman who is stuck more in your masculine, then odds are your man (like many men) has naturally taken a BACK SEAT to your driving, navigation, decision making and leadership so as not to rock the boat, agitate you or disappoint you.

Take baby steps and give him some space to step back in. This is probably going to be very new for him too…although it will most likely be a very welcome shift.

I often see women blaming their man, saying that he’s NOT decisive, he doesn’t lead and he’s not acting in her best interest and that’s why she’s stuck! The truth may be that he is NOT doing those things today.

That was the case for me years ago with Paul. But then I took an honest look at myself and recognized two things.

One, if I’m being the “man” am I really giving him room to be the man? And two, I was so controlling, driving and directing of everything to be a certain way, I was do disappointed in him when he did not do things the way I would have, I wasn’t really giving him any opportunity to lead because I wasn’t letting him win with me, I wasn’t releasing and I wasn’t making it easy for him to make me happy.

When I got clear on what I was doing that was contributing to the dynamic, I could SHIFT that myself (instead of waiting for him to change). I noticed that every time I shifted, he HAPPILY shifted too!

I’m always so overwhelmed with gratitude that Paul is who he is today! His strong masculine presence, his absolute dedication to serve me and his fierce passion to clear a path for me and delight me! Oh my….I am a lucky girl!

Lucky that we CREATED this years ago and now we get to enjoy it, every little moment of it, every day of our lives!

It wasn’t always like this! I promise! Many years ago, I was firmly rooted in my masculine energy and Paul (so as not to be threatening to me and others) was disconnected from his masculine and leaning more in his feminine. It’s hard to imagine that today, looking at us together, but it’s absolutely true! We were flip-flopped years ago…We Created This!

I’m a grateful girl!!!!

I hope your date night was as magnificent, romantic, hot and delightful as ours!!!  If it was, post below and tell me about it!!!

If it was NOT, join Paul and I on our totally free, 3-part live Relationship Breakthrough Series and discover how YOU can catapult your passion, alignment and intimacy to the next level without your partner needing to participate for this to work for you!

Click here to register for the free Relationship Breakthrough Live Series!

Sending love,

Stacey

p.s. what do you think about SURRENDER now? Do you feel differently about it than you did before? Post a comment below and tell me what you REALLY think!

Stacey Martino helps people who feel stuck, frustrated and helpless with the challenges that intimate relationship brings. Through targeted, strategic private coaching, programs and events for her Relationship Transformation™, Relationship Rescue™ and Relationship Transition™ programs, individuals learn to use her proven strategies and tools to create an unshakable love and unleashed passion that lasts a lifetime.

Stacey firmly believes that it absolutely does NOT take two to tango, that one person can significantly shift the dynamics of the relationship. Clients have praised Stacey for helping them to see massive results in record time. Formerly known as "The Ice Princess", Stacey is intimately aware of what it takes to transform oneself to be ready to both give and receive love and passion like you have never experienced before.

Download Stacey's free audio program, “How to Transform Your Relationship in Eight Steps” at http://relationshiptransformationsystem.com/freegift/