My Thoughts: Dad Who Shoots Daughter's Laptop

Yes. I’ve watched the video. You know, the one where the dad finds his teenage daughter’s hidden “what I’d really like to say to my parents” Facebook post, reads it on video, follows it with a public tongue lashing and then shoots her laptop with a pistol to make a point.  

I’ve also read dozens and dozens of viewer’s comments; most of them overwhelmingly supportive of his tirade and shooting spree at the end.  

And how do I feel about it? Well, if you really care to know. Here goes.

Firstly, I'll admit, I found it wildly entertaining. Didn’t everyone? I mean he shoots a computer at the end!? Over and over again. And then posts a video online for the world to see. (At last count, it has 28 million views) I mean. Really. Holy smokes! 

But how did it make me feel?

Just kind of bummed, really. And not just for this dad or his daughter (I’ll get to that in a moment), or for the hundreds and hundreds of eager spectators that took great joy in this "heroic parenting moment." I kind of felt sad for the whole wide world.  

I watched the dad and felt incredibly supportive of him. There he was standing his ground; fighting for his daughter. If he didn’t care about her, if he didn’t love her and want the best for her he wouldn’t be fixing her computer or snooping for that matter. He wouldn’t be trying to teach her responsibility, setting limits or holding her accountable. He wouldn’t be providing her structure or demanding impeccable values. He wants her to be successful, happy, grounded, and responsible. He loves her.  

He has a right to be frustrated, angry and hurt by his daughter’s actions. Who wouldn’t be?  

And the daughter. Sheesh. Who can’t remember being a teenager and wanting to give our parents a piece of our mind. And man, were we egocentric and self-indulgent. We wanted things "now!" and wanted it our way. And no one, especially our parents, understood us.

We were teenagers.  

Besides the sensational aspects, I wonder if the intense frenzy around this video stems from the fact that parents subconsciously really admire this dad’s ability to be firm with his daughter. Could it be that we’re too indulgent with our children today and there’s a part of us that knows that the lack of motivation and entitled attitudes in this next generation is kind of our doing? Or maybe viewers secretly wish their parents had set more limits for them. Who knows.

So where am I going with all of this? I don’t really know except that it made me sad. Yes, I was sad that the daughter didn’t feel safe to express herself to her dad directly. And sad for the dad, that his daughter embarrassed him and that there was all of this indirect, unhealthy communication going on. But what really struck me was that no one seems to notice that the father’s behavior wasn’t much better than his daughters. No one seems even remotely aware of it. 

Look. Let me get this out of the way. I’m not suggesting the father do NOTHING.  On the contrary. I’m thrilled by limits! Limits and boundaries are incredibly important and downright imperative. But that’s not what I’m talking about here.  I’m just questioning the approach. 

And here’s what I wonder: If our behavior, as parents, doesn’t inspire our children to make better choices and behave in a positive way, then whose will? If we respond "an eye for an eye," "I can scream louder than you," "I’m more powerful," "I’ll show YOU." or "I’m too busy being right to listen to what you have to say," then we’re just raising another generation of "more of the same." Are we not? Not to mention just escalating a lot of chaos in our lives. 

Our children are watching how we behave, how we communicate, and how we handle challenges and frustrations. They’re watching when we over-react, over-indulge, over-power and under-appreciate. They watch how we treat others and ourselves. They learn so much about life from us. 

In a way, it all starts with us, doesn’t it? 

If WE don’t "rise above" and hold ourselves at a higher standard and show them kind and firm limits, peaceful conflict resolution, active listening skills, responsibility and direct, effective communication despite how THEY are behaving – then who will and, most importantly, how else will they learn these things…

if they ever do…and if they don’t...

I'm just wondering, what does it mean for the whole wide world?

So there you go. That's what I think. Thanks for listening. 

What do YOU have to say?

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"Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for great developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents. Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of the peace of the world." ~ Mother Theresa

Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.  ~Robert Fulghum

Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it.  ~Haim Ginott

If you have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent.  ~Bette Davis

Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy.  ~Robert A. Heinlein

Children have more need of models than of critics.  ~Carolyn Coats, Things Your Dad Always Told You But You Didn't Want to Hear

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids.  ~Bill Cosby, Fatherhood, 1986

What's done to children, they will do to society.  ~Karl Menninger

It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess a tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or dehumanized.  ~ Haim Ginott, Between Parent and Child.