Will My Kids Stick Me in a Home When I’m Old?

We sometimes learn life lessons in the least expected places.

As I wrote in my last , I’ve recently undergone a spinal fusion. During my four-day stay at the hospital, I was paired up with two different roommates – both women in their 80’s.

As an Avon representative, I serve quite a few ladies in that age demographic. But I’ve never had lengthy or in-depth conversations with them while dropping off their Skin So Soft.

What I discovered in my four days at the hospital was sad and real. Our elders carry so much wisdom and experience, it’s a shame we don’t put forth more effort to learn from them. Too often they’re simply disregarded.

It got me thinking about my future. Lord willing, I’ll be in my 80's someday too.

My first roommate, "Jean," was 84. She cared for her husband in their home. Her son, a single man in his 50s, was at her beck and call. She phoned him several times a day to tell him to do "this" and "that" and criticized him when he’d come to visit. He was clearly unhappy, but did as his mother told him.

Despite some obvious underlying familial conflict, Jean had her independence and was in control of her life and her family.

Later that week, I was transferred and met my new roommate, "Faye." She was 82 and had been admitted due to a fall.

She welcomed me as I entered my new room and told me she just LOVED to talk. She explained how she lives alone in a trailer and her family never visits. She admitted she talks to herself all the time.

Having taken my latest dose of pain medication I explained to Faye that I needed some sleep but would be happy to chat in the morning. And sure enough, she was there bright and early, waiting for me.

She explained how she had been placed in a nursing home for some time but hated it so much she demanded to leave. She was moved to her trailer, but wasn’t safe on her own. She feared her family would stick her back in the home now that she had an accident.

She said she’d rather die than go back to "that place."

No one came to visit her. No one called. My heart ached for Faye and her circumstances. I still think of her every day and wonder what will become of her.

And then reality hit me. Would I become Faye someday? Or would I be Jean? What circumstances led to each woman living such different lives at the same age?

One woman had a volatile and controlling relationship with her son. The other had no relationship with her children and yearned for attention from anyone.

I’m sure there’s a happy medium, but as a parent, how do we know what decisions our children will make when the time comes? What allows for that sort of abandonment?

I wonder if there are actions I can take now that will influence how my sons will treat me as a senior citizen. Raising my children to be responsible adults may have more of an impact than I ever imagined.