And so it begins...

Since I was 15, I've never not had a job. I've worked at some crazy places. I've had good waitstaff jobs. I've been good at bar tending. I've done my own initiatives, and I've worked for corporations.

Now, in middle age, I face my first time without a job. I'm laid off. I'm Middle America, at best. When working hard, I am what I'd label as "the middle class."

Don't get me wrong. That's not a negative. Honestly, I feel that I've worked my way up from low class, to lower middle class, and well, at least now I'm not living in a trailer. I have my own home. I pay my bills. I am what my parents wanted, and what I want for my own children: one step better in life than they've accomplished.

Yet, again, at mid-age, I find myself with a mortgage to pay. I have two young children. I was the breadwinner. I was making "the bacon" as it were. And now, a family of four faces living off of the government for the first time in our lives.

I've never had shame for those that have had to in the past. I don't think less of anyone that has. America is an amazing country. It is awesome that we can support those in a tough spot, and for the first time, that someone might be me.

I've never had an Access card. I've never been on food stamps, even though there were many, many months as a child we did without. Without eating... Without Christmas... But all in all, we turned out to be decent kids.

I'm one of five children, and despite having rather middle class-sounding jobs (a teacher and utilities worker), we were upper lower class on our very best days. Union strikes, challenges finding new jobs and looming layoffs (thankfully for them that never truly took place) kept us rather modest, living in a trailer and making the best of life.

I have no complaints. I loved my life. It was messy and hard, but it made me the person I am today, so I don't mind.

And somehow, it is that modest upbringing that likely leads me to my own shame. Pending an incoming package, due in the mail at any moment, I am officially jobless. For the first time in my life, since age 15, I don't have a paycheck coming in the mail.

It is an odd sensation for me, one filled with shame, disappointment and confusion. I've worked hard all of my life. I've gotten good grades, been "involved" in my community, did all the extra curriculars so I could get into a good college, get a good degree, at the very top of my class, to get a good job, to work my way up to management positions, to earn a respectable wage in order to provide for a family of four in a suburb of Philadelphia... and where did it all get me? Apparently, the unemployment line...

Join me. I don't know where it is going, or why, or how. But as I'm still in a numb and confused state, now's the time to chart how I feel. I want to keep track of my journey. I know I am not alone. Many have traveled the road before me, and many more will after.

Maybe I'll get a job in a few days, weeks, months. Maybe they'll foreclose on my home. Maybe they'll take my children. Maybe we'll eat Ramen for the next couple of months. Maybe we'll find insurance and maybe we won't. No one get sick... God love 'em.

Wherever I am going, please come along. I'll share if you do. Have something to say? Tips to share? Advice for the newly unemployed? I'm all ears. This is my virgin trip into a vast new world. I might as well document it and hope for the best. I hope you'll come along for the ride.