Expectations

Expectations can ruin relationships.  On the flip side, expressing expectations are vitally important to healthy relationships.

Do you find yourself frustrated with the behaviors of a loved one?  Is it because you feel he or she is capable of better behavior?  Have you questioned what your true expectations are for that person – better grades, more consideration for others, athleticism, social interactions, work ethic, etc?  Are you tired of being "let down"?

Sometimes, I believe we think so much about what we feel the other person should be that we lose sight of whom he or she really is.  Could it be that the frustration we experience is due to a reflection of ourselves?  Perhaps what is really needed is some self-reflection in asking ourselves, “Why does this behavior bother me so much; and do I do that?”  You might find similar old behaviors of your own that remain unresolved.  Seek them out and put closure on them before addressing issues with another person.

Other questions to ask are, “How do I feel about myself right now; and am I self-confident or self-loathing?”  How you feel about yourself makes a big difference when dealing with expectations set for others.  Most times when confidence is low, it is easy to blame loved ones and to hold them accountable for your happiness.   Self-care and self-acceptance come first.  Being comfortable with yourself and your own feelings minimizes your level of frustration with others.  In addition, having such confidence will make communicating easier.

Here are some points to consider about expectations as adapted from the article, “Building Healthy Relationships from the Start.”

1-      Accept Changes.  Relationships change over time.  It is important to grow with the relationship as things go from fun, new, and exciting to security and love.  Allow the relationship to mature and allow yourself to grow with the changes.

2-      Respect Differences.  A relationship is comprised of two unique individuals.  In as many ways as you and a loved one might be the same, you must also consider the ways in which you are different.  Individualism is important in a relationship so do not try to make the other person be like you.

3-      Communicate Wants and Needs.  Do you want your loved one to assume what your needs are?  Realize that someone left “in the dark” has no choice but to assume what you want and might not always make the guess.  It is best for all parties to express desires and to leave the possibility for assumptions out of the equation.

4-      Resolve Conflicts Fairly.  Be sure to accept responsibility and take ownership of any wrong doing.   Then compromise on a solution.

5-      Encourage the Good.  Keep your “eye on the prize” and realize how beneficial the relationship is for you.  Be thankful when your wants and needs are met.  In the same respect, feel good about satisfying others needs.  Small, nonmaterial actions on a day-to-day basis go a long way in maintaining healthy relationships.

If you find difficulty in following these five points, hypnosis can help with building relationships.  One or all of these items can be worked into suggestions tailored to improve 1) self-confidence, 2) communications skills, 3) frame of mind, and/or 4) acceptance of others.

More blog posts by Maggie O'Malley can be found at www.FocusPointHypnosis.com.