Can I Get A Manual For This Parenting Thing?

Q: What do you get when you mix my newly acquired free time with fluctuating hormones?

A: One teary eyed momma in the shampoo aisle at Target.  

Huh? This makes no sense. The logistics just aren’t there. I have been thrilled at the idea of getting time to myself when the kids went back to school. This is my first time in 10 years that I have been alone for seven straight hours! I haven’t been in the house by myself for 10 years for that amount of time and now it is five days a week.

I think it is a culture shock.  

On day two, my neighbor asked me if I thought that I would get lonely. I said “No, not right now” with a great big smile on my face. I thoroughly enjoy amping up my . It has been a productive three weeks and makes me feel like something has been accomplished. I noticed that I have gotten things in order around the house. I have cooked dinner more nights of the week. The laundry and dishes are constantly being replenished. Yada, yada… So why did all this free time turn into a sad lifetime movie?

Here goes, today was my first solo Target outing. It started like any other ordinary Target trip. Stop in Famous Footwear for little perusing. Head to Target with newly purchased shoes. Yay! Make a quick stroll through the Target dollar section. Try on pants and realize I need one size bigger. Curses! Then notice I put too many things in my cart that I don’t need. Even got lost in the back of the store but on this day, I had no immediate time constraints… This threw me for a little curve. Things seemed a little out of the ordinary and that’s when it hit me. 

I rounded the toiletries corner. I spotted the paper towels my kids like to hide behind and started to notice the sounds of other children. There was a young boy asking for specific school supplies and the mother blowing him off as she kept walking with the cart and him trailing behind. That made me chuckle. And next a man came by with a little baby who was nestled in the cart in her car seat. I remember those days. My daughter even fell asleep once on my sweater lying down in the cart. I won’t have these memories again unless I borrow a baby. I might have to do that for therapeutic purposes but the real tear jerker was the sound of a little girl’s voice.

She had such a sweet little voice. She was excited to see stickers in her book and repeatedly told her mother. So as I am staring at shampoos, my ear was honed in on this tiny voice. It sounded so much like my older daughters at that age. I envisioned my daughter’s innocent excitement at such a young age. I could only completely get the visual when reflecting on our home movies. It is my best recollection of just how little they were. I thought they were so big then and I never completely grasped that it would keep changing. Time will keep going. They will keep getting older. Their changing voices, their demeanor, their choice in activities and their new aging skills and independence. I keep looking at their clothes gradually being moved to the ‘doesn’t fit anymore pile.' How is this possible? How are they growing right before my unknowing eyes?  

I teared up, put down the shampoo and thought, “I must be emotional” and shook it off. Even if I’m just being emotional, I can’t wait to hug them after school. They are still at an age where it is cool to hug their mom. Thank God for that. All this emotion is way too much for a Thursday afternoon.

Does this sound familiar to you and do you have any stories to share about your children growing up? Please share them in the comments below.