The Five Big Mistakes Made in Divorce

   The mistakes people make which lead to a divorce are varied and numerous.  I’m a lawyer, not a psychologist, so I can’t help you with those mistakes.  But I am also not an advocate for divorce.  To the contrary, if you are having marital troubles there are many avenues to pursue to assist in repairing or saving a marriage.  But once a divorce is decided upon by one spouse, what are the big mistakes we see?  (And note, this is certainly not an exhaustive list!)

Number One:   Not accepting or cooperating in the divorce process.  In Pennsylvania, we have a “No Fault” divorce law.  In essence, if one spouse wants to get a divorce, it will happen.  Not cooperating in a divorce and taking the “ostrich approach” can ultimately cause more anguish and cost more money.  If a spouse initiates a divorce complaint, it may appear that nothing is happening if the other spouse will not initially consent to the divorce.  However, legal rights and obligations change at the date of separation.  These changed rights and obligations may not be readily apparent, but circumstances have changed and by doing nothing, you may be bypassing advantageous rights.

Number Two:   “What’s good for her is bad for me” attitude.  Here is a popular one.  But to the contrary, sometimes a solution to an issue is good for both spouses.  Sometimes a solution is equally bad for both parties!  The point here is to evaluate each issue as it arises and focus on how it will affect you. 

Number Three: Not having realistic goals.  At the beginning of each divorce, a party needs to evaluate his/her situation and set realistic goals as to how life will be after the divorce.  For example, where do you want to live?  You may want to stay in the marital home but will you be able to afford it?  You may want to live in Florida but you have two teenagers who may not want to transfer schools.  You may want primary physical custody but you travel three weeks a month.  Be real, be practical.

Number Four:  Failing to maintain the status quo until the appropriate time.  Moving from the marital residence, draining a savings account, or canceling your wife’s car insurance might sound good on a Saturday night at the pub, however, on Monday morning in Court it won’t sound so good!  There are tons of “tap room lawyers” and “beauty shop lawyers” with great advice!  However, have a real plan.  Consult competent counsel.  This is not a promotion.  Competent counsel can help you avoid common mistakes and ultimately save you money.

Number Five:  Getting engaged before the divorce is finalized.  Second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages.  Give divorce a chance!

Jim McCarthy is an attorney at the law firm of McCarthy & McCarthy, P.C. (www.mccarthymccarthy.com) and can be reached at JMcCarthy@McCarthyMcCarthy.com .  Nothing in this blog is legal advice.  No one should act upon the contents of this blog and should consult an attorney for advice based upon their facts and circumstances before making any decisions.