To Be Like a Blissful Infant

As I enjoy moments with my infant grandson, I am becoming more aware of something that could be causing challenges for tweens, teens and adults. As I observe the life of a well-cared for and loved infant, I see how truly blissful life is during the first months of our lives. An infant opens their eyes and is typically greeted by loving smiles and a welcoming voice that says something like, "Good morning, how did you sleep? Are you hungry? Let's get you changed so you can be more comfortable.". All the while cooing and gooing in loving tones and cuddling while feeding and changing them, as we meet their every need. 

And so this continues with ongoing words of encouragement as they make their first smiles, roll over, crawl, sit, stand on their own and take their first steps. Every new thing an infant and toddler does gets praised, and so love abounds for them in almost every waking moment of their lives. An infant enjoys a truly blissful life, as that is the natural state of our being- we come into this world full of inner joy and peace.

Now, can you imagine if we could continue being praised and loved and smiled at- every single day?!!! How would that make you feel as an adult? How could that help our children grow into confident, motivated and happy teens and adults?

They say by age six, a child stops getting the praise they have unconsciously grown accustomed to receiving. This is because by age six, they typically lose their front teeth and they begin that awkward stage of life as their new teeth grow and often look too large for their tiny mouths and faces. I say 'unconsciously' because kids don't realize how accustomed they have grown to the accolades and encouragement. I doubt they even realize it has decreased, yet their loved ones have unknowingly stopped pouring on the praise and the "rah rahs" by age 6. Yet I am sure at some point a child may think, "Hmmm they used to think I was cute when I did that before". And then, as they begin to participate in kids sports, it turns into disappointment when a child is not performing as well as parents and coaches expect.

Ah, here comes the word "Expectation". As an infant, we are not expected to do much of anything. Our simple needs are met, and every milestone is praised. And so, when is it that expectations arise and we are set up to disappoint our elders? Is there something the child has done or did not do? Or is it that our role as the supporter and comforter has shifted because we have changed our expectations, and yet we forget, a child is still a child-one who is still looking for the encouragement, the love, the smiles, the beautiful way to be greeted when their eyes first open in the morning. By kindergarten, the mornings sound more like this: "Did you brush your teeth?", "Hurry up, get moving!", "Go change that shirt!" or "Fix your hair!" or "You look ridiculous in that outfit!" A little part of the child must wonder, "Geez! What happened? I can't seem to do anything right", "I can't seem to make him proud of me anymore", "I guess I don't know how to do things the way I am supposed to to make her happy."

When I coach people who just can't seem to get things going because they give up too soon, I find myself asking, "Who told you that you weren't good enough?" And after their eyes get real big, their heads usually lower and the answers come easily, with tears in their eyes as they answer: "My brothers", or "My mother" or "I still can't get my father's approval at 50 years old!" It may have only been one time that they said it, but it stays with us forever. It just does. Until someone comes along and reminds us how much we are loved, how good we really are at many things, and that we are deserving of love, joy and inner peace. It can be an internal battle, but it can be overcome with love and support. Remembering that we are worthy is a huge task for many. 

If we can all reprogram our brains and embrace the concept that WE ARE WORTHY, and we love ourselves, things will change for us. We have to reprogram that voice inside our head that says we are not good enough. WE need to change it to, "I am doing my best and my best is good enough, I am not someone else, I am me, I am fine the way I am."

So, how about we ponder these ideas, and perhaps begin to change how we greet our loved ones, how we greet our children and how we acknowledge one another, and most importantly, ourselves.

It is our inherent need to be loved and appreciated. Perhaps there are many who are not succeeding in life for just that reason- the support stopped, and their self-confidence and self-worth went down- or didn't even get to grow. And then there are many who never received praise, nor support. It is very sad, but can be changed. If we all just pretended there is a two year old child inside each of us, perhaps we would be kinder and sensitive to the needs of others, and we could praise and appreciate them more, as we see the child within them. Most importantly, we need to make an effort to be more joyful and make life more fun- especially on the sports fields!

Let us remember to smile more, laugh often, acknowledge accomplishments, encourage and support each other more, and watch the world change around you~ because it can! You never know how your words can change someone's life and your own, forever!~KO