Sportsmanship: Learning to be a good competitor

Competition is everywhere. Athletics, the school play, even card games with friends. And with any competition there are winners and losers. Often, the enjoyment for all involved can come down to one thing: sportsmanship.

How do you handle losing (often frequently)? Sometimes more important, how do you handing winning? Do you sulk when you lose, and blame others, or do you take it as a learning experience and congratulate the winners for a job well done? Do you rub the other person’s nose in it when you win, or do you graciously accept congratulations while finding something to praise the other person for?

We often think it is kids who need to learn sportsmanship. But where do kids often learn? By watching adults. And if you visit any Little League baseball field in America, you’ll see plenty of people, kids and adults, who need a little lesson in being a good sport.

Fortunately, like many other life skills, sportsmanship can be taught. The first step is to make sure you, the adult, are modeling good sportsmanship behavior, and then encourage that same behavior in kids. To formulate a plan for becoming a good sport, use these tips.

1.   Talk about problems. Quite often, one or two bad apples spoil the entire activity for everybody. We’re all familiar with that mom or dad who hangs on the sideline, criticizing the behavior of players, coaches, and referees at any youth athletic event. The temptation is often to ignore him, in hopes that he’ll give up and go away. But that isn’t the answer. That person is likely to continue and ruin the activity for all involved, parents and kids. So talk about it. Get the coach and pull everyone aside. What is the problem? How does that behavior make others feel? How is it crimping the fun for the group? And, most importantly, how can the group come together to solve the problem, so everyone has the most fun?

2.   What are your goals? When you start something, everybody has a goal. Maybe it’s bettering your batting average, maybe it’s stretching your skills by trying something new, or maybe you want to meet new people. Groups have goals too. When setting the group goals, it’s important to get buy-in from all members, kids and parents. Before the season or event starts, get all of the parents in a room to discuss and agree upon the goals for the year. What is important? How will this goal be achieved? This is not the time to talk about individual goals (although that’s important too), but decided with others what the group as a whole wants to achieve.

3.   Be a sportsmanship example. Kids learn by watching. Sure, they pay attention to words, sometimes, but an example will always be more powerful. And if you say one thing, but your behavior is the exact opposite, kids will pick up on that. So come to an agreement that everybody will model good sportsmanship behavior. What kinds of things do adults want kids to learn? What is the best way to model those traits in the group?

4.   Get individual. Nobody likes to call someone on the carpet. And it’s easy to get caught in the belief that there is a mass problem when really, only one or two people need guidance. Don’t be afraid to identify the people who are exhibiting poor behavior. Calling them out in front of the group is a bad idea, but pull those people aside for a one-on-one chat. Maybe they don’t even realize what they are doing. If you are uncomfortable doing it on your own, get a friend or who to help engage the other person. Once you’ve identified the poor behavior, work with the person to establish a plan to change it for the better – and for the good of the group.

5.   Create a culture. As a group, talk about the culture, or atmosphere, you want for your group. Brainstorm: what three things, or words, best exemplify your group – or what you want to exemplify your group? Once consensus is reached, discuss the ways in which you can model and enforce that culture. If a culture of good sportsmanship is firmly established, it will be easier to bring new people into that culture, enforce positive behavior, and correct anything negative.

Winning and losing is a part of life – sports and elsewhere. But by establishing a good sportsmanship lifestyle, you can be remembered as a winner whatever the results on the scoreboard.

Oakmont Martial Arts licensed by the American Taekwondo Association, the premier North American organization dedicated to the martial arts discipline of taekwondo. They offer training for young children (Tiny Tigers, 3-5), youth (6-13), teens and adults, as well as adult fitness classes. Visit www.OakmontMartialArts.com or their Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/ataOakmont) for more information, or call 412-826-8004 to schedule an introductory lesson.

A software technical writer by day, Mary Sutton is the mother of two teens and has been making her living with words for over ten years. She is the author of the Hero’s Sword middle-grade fantasy series, writing as M.E. Sutton, and The Laurel Highlands Mysteries police-procedural series, writing as Liz Milliron. Visit her online at www.marysuttonauthor.com.