Shame is a feeling that we all feel at sometime in our lives, but why? Why does our society think that we all should be perfect? Not only perfect but, almost God like? In my experience only one is perfect and that one is God. We all strive for perfection but why when we learn most of our important life lessons from failure? I am not perfect. I never will be! When my imperfections are glaring I feel shame and then the shame moves into something all of it’s own. Shame turns into judgement of myself and others and I feel all around badly. The definition of shame from the “Dictionary App”- “ the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper , ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another”.
Brene’ Brown wrote a book called “ The Gifts of Imperfection”, “Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are”. When I heard about this book on PBS and then saw it in Barnes and Noble I had to buy it (and buy copies for my close friends)!! This book describes the feeling that a lot of us have, shame!!!! The cover said it all, let go of who I think I should be and embrace who I am. Brene’ Brown is a Ph. D, L.M.S.W., writer and research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. Brene’ overcame one of the same issues that I have had to. I am different! We all have differences ranging from religion, financial, genetic, race and these all play factors in how we feel about ourselves.
With school starting now for some and others in a week or two, I want my children to embrace who they are and not feel shame because they don’t look exactly like everyone else. My children are individuals that God graced with gifts. I am not sure today exactly what those gifts are and I am not sure if they do either. It took me 44 years to really accept my gifts and embrace them. After a lot of falling down and picking myself back up and trying again I found my gift!!! It took time. I am different. I think differently then others and I was born with characteristics that have caused some issues that I have had to overcome. Those issues were difficult and not socially acceptable but, hey, as I said earlier, who is perfect? NOT ME!!!
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I remember when it was time to go back to school after the Summer and the night before school started you made sure you had the perfect outfit. It had to be the “right” look so that I was accepted. One other memory I have is the lack of sleep I had the night before...what is it going to be like? “ Is Sally still going to like me and sit with me at lunch?” and “What if she doesn’t? Will my life totally change?” Thoughts like these raced through my head. Why couldn’t I have just gone to sleep knowing that everything is going to be ok? I know that I am different, in fact I like that I am not like everyone else. The fact that I recognized that I was different came out sideways sometimes. I did not fit into a BOX!!! Who does? A robot...
Shame can be debilitating! It can stop you in your tracks, and terrible thoughts race through your head; but rather than going to shame why don’t we embrace the fact that we are different. If God wanted us all to be alike we wouldn’t have come in different colors, shapes and sizes. We are who we are and if our children realized at a young age to embrace difference and change rather than wanting us all to be the same life would be a nicer place. Social differences wouldn’t have to be judged but, respected.
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If you have a problem, it should be ok to talk about it!!! Not shamed because it is different.
I hope that I have embraced the fact that all three of my children are different. Yes, they came from the same two people that have different DNA and our children are different!! They have different ideas about how they want there lives to look. Each of them have their own distinct mannerisms and characteristics that I embrace and love!!! I have tried to instill in my children that no matter what others think, be who you are!!! Embrace the differences and not the similarities.
I will end with a quote that sums up my feelings:
“ Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory or defeat.”
Theodore Roosevelt, Strenuous Life
Live and love with color, gray is not only morose but, it is boring!!!!!
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