There's Nothing Like Your First

I'll never forget the day when my dad told me that there was "nothing like your first".  I know your mind just went to all kinds of racy adventures, but if you knew my dad you'd know that he'd never talk about such things.  By his "first", he meant "his first born".  Which in this case, happens to be me.  I am his oldest child and according to the old man, there was nothing like me and I'd have to agree.  After many years of parenting, I have to say that there is truly something unique about your first child. 

I think the uniqueness comes from not knowing what is coming next.  If it's your first, you've never experienced it before, so it is all new, all the time.  Sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad.  When my kids were really small, we moved to the country.  Rural road and the fresh smell of manure.  Awesome.  My husband was thrilled and I was shell-shocked.  On one of our first mornings at our new country house, I went out to the mailbox that was now across our road (convenient, hmm?) and lying right next to our box was a mother deer.  Oh, she was so beautiful.  She was laying in a ditch and couldn't get up.  I tried to get her to move and I stroked her head but to no avail.  I ran to the phone, called the local sherriff ( just one dude, go figure?) and he arrived promptly.  I gathered all three kids at the glass window in the kitchen.  Look kids, the officer is here to save the mommy deer.  Look kids.  Look.  This is really neat.  And with that three shots rang out, and the kids ran in all directions, screaming in terror.  Yup, that's right...mom had just gathered all of her children to watch mommy deer get shot.  Within two minutes, someone in a pickup pulled up and asked if he could have the fresh meat.  Love the country. 

Ok, so why do I even mention my horrible mothering tactics.  That story, for me, is kind of like raising your oldest child.  No matter how hard you try and how safe you try to make the world, you just never, ever know what is going to come up.  There is no way you can.  I send my oldest off to high school next year and it will be a whole new experience.  But, I can still remember when I sent him to kindergarten and each day gave me something new to deal with.  Yes, granted, back then it used to be, "He needs another glue stick, Mrs. Ebert". That was an easy one to deal with. No sweat.  But, on days like today, when I have to put him on a bus to go up to Penn State for 3 days with his school, it's a little harder to deal with.  I remember so vividly the days when my oldest was stuck to me like velcro and it was too much to bear.   And, now, I wish I would have duct taped that velcro to my leg, so that he would never leave.  Because, I don't know what the world out there holds for him when I am not there.  Granted, it will probably be less disturbing than the killing fields he I witnessed in his own kitchen window.  As he gets older, each day gets more precious, and I don't quite realize, until his life starts to pull him away. He gets busier and busier and time goes faster and faster.  But, in the end, the pulling away is good.  It's a chance to have fun and a chance to be independent and a chance to be away from his crazy mom. 

There really is nothing like your first.  It's the one you learn from and the one you make mistakes on.  O! so many mistakes.  The one you try to potty train before he can walk and the one you read fifty books to a night (seriously, he's the only one I did that for...the other kids get a sticky note, if that).  And, the first is the one you worry about when he goes away, even if only for a night, because each moment with your oldest is like a small gift.  They've been with you since the beginning of this journey. Who else do you know that knows all of your flaws and mistakes and still wants to ride shotgun next to you? Each moment with your first is precious because you're just never sure what the next moment will bring and that can be the most wonderful perk of all. 

And, then, your second child arrives....