What Does it Take to be a Hero to Dozens of Kids in Foster Care? Ask Bernie Hicks.

Last week I posted my first blog. It was about the Heart Gallery, a collection of photographs of children in foster care that are currently being exhibited at Barrington Books, Talbots, and Starbucks through the month of July.

This week I interviewed one of my heroes, a woman who has been a foster parent to approximately 45 to 50 foster children (!) over the past 19 years. She lives right over the bridge in Warren, and her name is Bernie Hicks.

Bernie says that parenting a child in foster care is no different than parenting a biological child — all kids are different and you need to find out what works for any of them. She says most of it involves trial and error as “you don’t often know the whole story of the backgrounds of the kids who come into your home.”

It might take a bit of patience, and to get results you need to “pick your battles,” but the biggest thing is that they need is for you to not give up on them, to make the commitment and stick to it.

A foster child is one who, through no fault of their own, has come into the child welfare system, a child who has lost everything (at least temporarily) -- all of their personal things, their home, their siblings, and their family. Assisting children who are in such dire need is something that gives Bernie a lot of satisfaction. She wants to help all of the children in her care realize that the world isn’t a bad place (as they have come to experience it), and that they can grow up to be anything they want to be.

Bernie says that, “Seeing them come into your home so scared and not knowing what to expect and then seeing them open up and trust and enjoy doing normal things is extremely rewarding.” She remembers one such child who was only five or six years old when she first met him. Bernie had to immediately go shopping for clothes and shoes because the boy arrived at her doorstep with basically nothing. They drove to Wal-Mart and then to Burlington Coat Factory. With each outfit the child tried on, he got so excited, his little face lit up, and he twirled in front of the mirror. “Are these all for me?” he asked. “Are they really just for me?” She said it was enough to break your heart — but in a good way.

In addition to being a foster parent, Mrs. Hicks says that adopting kids has also brought her many rewards. Bernie and her husband have adopted a remarkable seven children from the child welfare system, and they also have two biological children.  Her brood is usually with her whenever we hold a big event at Adoption Rhode Island, and it’s really special to see the older kids interact and take care of the younger ones as children from bigger families tend to do. They are sweet, gorgeous, funny, and engaging.

Although you’d think Bernie might be jaded from seeing the sad circumstances that bring children into state care, she claims that the biggest reward comes from seeing a birth parent, one whose child has been taken from them (due to neglect or substance abuse or other serious circumstances) working hard to get their act together so that they can be reunited with their child. She says that when this happens it is the greatest reward of all.

Bernie’s greatest concern for foster children in Rhode Island today is that with the recent budget cuts (which involve the closing down of many children’s shelters) that many of these kids will have nowhere to go. IF you are interested in learning more about what it takes to be a foster parent, or how to help kids in state care, contact Bernie Hicks at Adoption Rhode Island, where she is the Coordinator of Special Projects. For more information contact www.adoptionrhodeisland.org   or www.pamelalowell.com.