Do’s and Don’ts for Parents of LGBT Kids

Most of us don’t expect our child to be gay. Recent news only magnified parents’ fears of hate crimes. While only an estimated 4% of the US population self-identify as LGBT, the legalization of same-sex marriage and the development of a national LGBT community and movement has catapulted social acceptance. More of us may be hearing those words from our kids, including me. Here are a few do’s and don’ts to guide your journey.

Do:

• Love your kid. I always tell my kids there are enough people in the world who will treat you badly; don’t do it to each other. Live this by showing your LGBT kid you love them no matter their sexual orientation.
• Treat your kid the same as “before.” Your child has not changed, just come to accept a part of who he is she is as a person. Teachers, babysitters and friends often “know” before you or your child. Parents are not perfect, but we should be there emotionally for our children and always encourage them in life.
• Talk to your kid. Allow him or her to lead the conversation, but keep communicating. Let them know they can talk to you. Like any parent of a teen or young adult (including me), you may not want too many details, but be available for talking, advice, or just listening.

Don’t:

• Judge. It is not your job. You did nothing wrong and it won’t help to belittle or demean LGBT kids. Nobody chooses to be gay, so as the saying goes, unless you’ve walked a mile in my shoes…
• Snipe and make comments about gays, or allow others to do so in your home or presence. Even if you don’t approve of your child’s sexual orientation, keep negative comments to yourself. As parents, we always say if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing. This is a time to walk that walk.
• Stop asking about his or her life, school, friends and activities. Just because a child “comes out of the closet,” he or she still needs the support of parents and family. Don’t quit being the parent; it is still our job!

Remember good will always win over evil and love will always win over hate. Every child wants the love and acceptance of his or her parents. We might not understand the how or the why, but worrying about it won’t change a thing. Be there for your child, LGBT or otherwise, and do the best you can at the time.

Joan Lowell is a mom of six great kids ages 5 to 18 (one LGBT-teen), a trained educator and certified teacher, as well as Go Au Pair’s Local Area Representative in the Providence, RI area. Joan earned her Bachelor of Science from Rhode Island College and her Master of Education from Providence College, both located in Providence, RI. She has been a special educator and middle level language arts teacher, private, in-home tutor and writer of a local blog for families and Au Pairs. She has two cats, a black lab, two cows, two pigs and nine chickens; baking, gardening, reading and relaxing on the porch are favorite hobbies.