Cheating and Healing

Reposted from the blog My Two Cents: Thoughts of a Small Town Therapist

Allary and Samuel were high school sweethearts.  They married, raised a family, then 25 years later she discovered he'd been having an affair for two years.

When they first came to my office, her rage was profound.  So was his contrition.  She vented her anger with very powerful language, week after week, in my office.  He sat there quietly. He took responsibility.  He didn't rush her to move on or get past it.

There is no magic formula for healing these sorts of things.  Allary's rage was completely understandable.  Yet, at the same time, there comes a point when decisions must be made.  Does this betrayal violate you so much that you can't reconcile? Is divorce the only way out?  Or, over time, can a wound such as this heal?  Is forgiveness possible?  Is there life after such a crisis?

Allary chose to try to move forward, to try to forgive.  They committed themselves to a better future.  They were going to work together.

The Christmas card arrived a year later.  There they were, with their four children.  The note said things were going well.  Not perfect, but a little better each day.  They had gotten through every married person's worst nightmare, and survived.