Giving Into Yourself

Why love?

Why eat expensive when you will get full eating cheap?

Why buy top of the line products?

Why does pain battle beauty?

At least one of the questions above for many will end, be taken away, consumed or broken. When it ends or is taken away before you want, you feel lost and confused. You will ask yourself how did this happen? You will start to analyze your past actions and thoughts that lead to the end of what you are currently going through. Why did I eat at that high-end restaurant? I’m broke now! Buy those expensive jeans only to grow out of them or have them shrink or spill on them?   I guess you did it because you could or wanted to, easy enough.

Why do you seek championship and love? You know if it ends or doesn’t work out, what will happen. You will be hurt, jaded, and skeptical of similar future relationships, moments and experiences. Having something than losing it changes your focus on what you use to have and what you no longer have. You look back and you view the relationship or moment in your head while you had it, telling yourself if only you knew when it would of ended, you would have been different, or so you would like to think.

Is it better to have and lost than not have it at all? I am sure you have heard that question, mainly in regards to love. Is it better to have and lost love than love at all? If you don’t have it, whatever "it" is, do you crave it more? Dream of it? Place a higher value upon it until you discover when you get it, it’s not what you hoped? Or is it everything you always wanted?

There are two variables that I notice in people. They are designed to dwell on loses and place a value on their expectations and uncertainty until they reach it. Once they reach that goal, they aim their attention on another goal. Which is not to say it’s wrong. Reading this you may think I will advocate living in a cave, with a blindfold on, living off a pile of stale bread to eat. Void of any fun, entertainment or interaction with people.  That is not true, I just find the idea of human nature funny and interesting. I find the concept of pain versus beauty in life fascinating and would like you to start thinking about it more with regard to your daily life.

Grieving is about finding the beauty from the pain. It hurts because the beauty you knew is altered, gone or out of sight. Sometimes it’s completely out of your hands too, beauty just disappeared in front of you. Leaving you not only now short on beauty and something you loved, but wondering why? There is still beauty all around you; people near you still see it, experience it. Just because you have pain, doesn’t mean the cashier at Dunkin Donuts has pain, or the same pain as you. All that has changed is your perception of your surroundings and mindset. You will find yourself seeking answers to the location of the beauty you once knew while battling through the pain. And there is no timeframe or one beautiful moment that will snap you out of this painful funk you’re in. It will take time, power and a level of intimacy and openness in you to find endless beauty through the pain.  Once you see beauty in one way, it may not be as strong as the first time you saw or felt it.

Think of when you first hear a song, it sounds magical, hits you in a place emotionally where you can relate to the song. You’re convinced that song was made just for you, right now at this moment in your life. Next time you hear it, the impact of the song is not as intense, it doesn’t hit you in the same places as it did the first time. Instead of now listening to the song you think of the moment you were in or the person you were with when you heard it. Now whenever you hear the song you think of that moment or person rather how the song made you feel. Is it still a beautiful song? Yes, but now with it comes more. You associate that song with a part of you, is it a beautiful moment? A painful moment? Do you smile? Do you skip the song? Or try to push through and see if, now you feel differently?

If you are grieving, for a loss, stressful situation, or even after a hard break up, search for no one answer but search for who you are, what makes you tick. Search for answers in you, not in the outside world. I assure you all things will come to a resolve. You will be at a point where you can wake up or go to bed without the pain on your mind. A helpful tool in finding you is organizing your pain by writing down how you feel. Express yourself; your thoughts are roaming around your mind. Get them out of you and see them, feel them.

I love because love feels good and makes me happy. I accept the unalienable truth that there is pain in love; I understand and accept that. I eat expensive food on occasion because I like to spoil my taste buds, I understand one day I may not be able to eat nice meals, so I want to get my quota in now. I appreciate the gifts of beauty and pain in life I have been given, I want to appreciate the gifts of life that I can take and appreciate that they are there for the taking. I want you to seek the beauty from the pain. It may take decades, years, months, weeks, days, minutes, but there is always beauty where there is pain, and there is always pain when there is beauty.

If we spent as much energy trying to get others to understand us, we all would see the beauty in everybody and wouldn’t have to say much at all.

~ Happy reading

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