Parenting and Discipline

This piece is reposted from the blog My Two Cents: Thoughts of a Small Town Therapist.

Disciplining children starts with a loving, nurturing relationship.  We all behave better when there's something to preserve.  We all behave worse when there's nothing to lose.  (Like taking away the ipod for the rest of their lives. I call that the death row syndrome...nothing to lose)

Children need to know ahead of time what the rules and expectations are.  (Hopefully these are age appropriate......check with your doctor or read some books or write to me if you're not sure.)  All the adults in the home, and regular caretakers, need to be on the same page.

Have consequences that get their attention (never spank or yell....YOU are not the punishment). Take things away for brief periods of time (2-24 hours) that they will miss.  Make them bored.  (That's essentially what prisons are suppose to be about....loss of privilege and lots of boredom).

Be business-like when you administer the consequence.  Don't be emotional, don't take their behavior as a personal affront.  They simply broke the rules (they didn't decry your existence) and you now have a good consequence in place.

Parents who get out of control with their children generally don't have a good discipline system in place.  So they yell.

Be consistent, and ALWAYS follow through.  They'll whine initially when they see you are a different parent, but in no time they'll realize that you're holding your ground...no matter what.

A little anecdote: When our son was three and throwing his mash potatoes, we told him if he didn't stop he'd have to sit on the chair for a count of ten.  He threw them again, we put him on the chair, and he promptly got up and ran across the room.  We chased him down, put him on the chair, and off he ran again.  This happened seventeen times before he realized he would not prevail.  We counted to ten. All was well. After that, all we had to do was say the word chair, and  he would stop misbehaving.  Bottom line:  You must outlast your child or you will lose credibility instantly.  (Our son is a cop now.  Nobody disrespects his authority.  Go figure!)