EPIC (Foster) FAIL!

(Sometimes failure can be a good thing...)

On my way to East Greenwich Animal Protection League (EGAPL) with foster dog Maddie this morning to have her visit with prospective adopters, I was thinking back to when I first met her in April. She had arrived at EGAPL just a few days before, sick and in the last few days of her pregnancy, after a long and very complicated journey to RI. I arrived at the shelter right after she finished delivering her (nine!) puppies and since they wanted her to go directly into foster care, I scooped up Maddie and pups and brought them home.  

I was thinking about the life she must have led before she came to RI and how she trusted me, a complete stranger, to take care of her family. About what a dutiful and loving mother she was, even when she wasn’t feeling very well. About how now that the nutty puppies are gone, Grace lets Maddie share all her assorted dog beds. About how Cous even lets her share the treasured red chair. (Mumbling “my precious” under her breath, but still.) About how she burrows next to me when thunder and fireworks scare her. About how she sticks her head in to say “hi” when I’m in the shower, just checking to make sure I’m okay and nearby – and about how she “just checks” on me a hundred other times every day.

About how she has completely stolen my heart.

As I was getting closer to the shelter and to doing the responsible thing, to doing what I’d signed up for as a foster person after all, to taking another step towards sending her on her way, it started to sink in that someday soon, I’ll have to say goodbye to Maddie and ask her to adjust to yet another home and family. I knew that she’d do it, and that she’d be okay, but suddenly that didn’t feel right. At all.  In ANY way. The tears started, the car slowed down and I had to pull over before I became completely unglued. I looked back at her ridiculous, smiley face hanging over the back seat, felt my heart crack  … and then called my daughter for a pep talk to straighten me out. Meg listened patiently and totally agreed with all the many, many reasons that I gave to support the plan for Maddie to move on to another family, and then wisely summed it up by saying  ‘”you can’t undo love, Mom”.

No, you can’t.

Thankfully, the kind folks at EGAPL understood this too. As I write this, Maddie Carlson is stretched out under my desk, at home, right back where she belongs.  

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