Lessons Learned

My family is responsible for shaping the majority of who I am.  My dad did his best to teach me how to be a man and I try to live up to his expectations.  I do fall short from time to time.

I remember specifically when my parents were out of town and my sister got a speeding ticket.  I felt it was my duty as her older brother to reprimand her and tell her exactly how to drive.  My sister cold-cocked me in the jaw.  For some reason this made me fall on the ground but not before I apparently screamed like a girl.  My parents eventually came home and my dad looked upon me with grave disappointment and then promptly greeted my sister with a high five and twenty bucks because he was so proud of her.

Ten years later or so, I met my wife when she showed up to my house to visit my roommate who was an old high school classmate of hers.  We hit it off a bit but then she had to drive back to Texas.  A few weeks later she sent out a mass text message asking if anyone knew how to patch a hole that she accidentally made in her bathroom wall.  At the time I was not familiar with the concept of mass texting so I assumed it was directed only at me.  Challenge accepted.  She obviously wanted me to woo her.  Girls totally love being wooed.  My only issue was the fact that I did not have the foggiest clue how to patch a wall.

I begrudgingly contacted my dad for his wisdom because he grew up in a decade that preceded the 80’s, a time when men automatically knew how to do anything and everything.  I asked him to show me how to patch the wall.  He looked at me and asked, “how in the world have you made it to your mid-twenties without knowing how to do this?”  Point taken and not undeserved. 

My father trained me with the sage wisdom of a Jedi and the practiced skill of a ninja.  That day he taught me a valuable lesson in home improvement that I took with me to Texas to begin said wooing.

The best lesson that my mother ever taught me was to never date a girl that did not love dogs.  Boy did I have a surprise for her.  This lovely lady that I was going to visit was a veterinarian.  Surely she was a dog lover and owner.  Fortunately for me, she did own dogs.  Unfortunately for me, one happened to be a Pomeranian.  As I flawlessly and professionally patched my now wife’s bathroom wall, I had four pounds of teeth and fur sitting there judging me, while occasionally attempting to lick me in the face.

Afterwards, we went for a walk around her neighborhood so we could talk and continue to get to know each other.  She insisted that I walk the Pomeranian so she could walk the bigger dog OD.  Since I’m in the process of wooing, I obviously cannot say no at this point so I decided to go with it, plus OD was scary.  Something about a man’s posture changes when he is walking a scarlet ball of fur.  My nose pointed up, my butt clinched, and my back arched while the dog’s tail curled perfectly; and he began walking on his tiptoes.  We were ready for Westminster.  While on my jovial jaunt with my new furry best friend, I inadvertently left the girl behind while OD got to know a mailbox on a personal level.  She thought the fact that I walked the dog so enthusiastically was adorable so all was forgiven.  Score.

So as I go through life, I try to remember and appreciate the different lessons taught to me by those I come in contact with.  My little sister taught me that girls can fight and they sometimes fight with fists.  My parents taught me two important lessons that led me to my wife and, much to my father’s chagrin, several toy animals.   That is okay though because when I start feeling a bit too masculine and virile, I have a little dog that judges me and puts me back in my rightful place.

And I am better for it.