'MERCA

Today is Election Day.  Totally pumped.  We The People are picking a President, a Commander-In-Chief, the leader of the free world.  Yeah, that’s cool.  I am more excited though about the fact that I no longer have to read about anyone’s political misgivings and campaign stumps on the Twitter. 

My Facebook timeline can now go back to girls oversharing about their pregnancies and posting pictures of their obnoxious kids.  I cannot wait for my friend Darrell to post the next time goes to the grocery store.  I have a feeling it will be epic.  My sister will probably post more pictures of her in a bikini like she did all last year before election season.  She apparently does not wear regular clothes anymore.  Gross. 

Waiting in line at my local precinct brought with it certain challenges.  There were signs everywhere telling me not to use my cell phone.  Color me an anarchist because I was on that thing the entire hour and a half I waited in line, reading about what other people around the country were doing while they were waiting in line.  Not one person tried to tell me otherwise, not even the old gray haired lady with the glasses that was monitoring this voting operation.  

That actually surprised me because old gray haired ladies are notoriously ornery.  I will never forget going to the library with my dad when I was seven because I wanted to look up information on Harvard.  My World Book Encyclopedia was limited and I needed to dig deep.  Once inside that hallowed hall of books, I marched up to the computer to search for the tome that would alight my path to higher education.  Apparently I did not fit the stereotype of a serious researcher because a silver fox of a librarian scolded me for using a computer when another old bag with glasses hanging around her neck standing behind me wanted to use it.  Fortunately my dad was standing nearby and watched the whole scene unfold.  He is a laid back fellow but he adopted a posture and a look that I have only seen three times in my life and marched up to silver fox to let her know she needed to leave his precious boy alone.  I am not one to advocate yelling at senior citizens but she needed a tongue-lashing.  I am and always have been ridiculously adorable and that lady did not need to tread on me.  So kudos to my father for encouraging my dreams of attending the Ivy League.  Alas, I did not go to Harvard and now work for the state.  My bad dad, that one is on me.

As I patiently waited and scrolled, I realized that poll workers take their jobs very, very seriously.  I respect and appreciate that.  I almost witnessed an altercation when a gentleman voter declined the “I Voted” sticker on his way out of the precinct.  The lady handing them out looked at him and in not so many words told him that he would take it and he would like it.  She was not the kind of woman that you back talk so he took it and wore it proudly on the way out the door as his wife displayed the prideful smile of a woman who just witnessed the demasculinization of her husband.. 

Now that my vote is cast, it is time to gather around the television or the interwebs and watch the results come in.  Heck, I might even build a fire.  Probably not though because that means that I will have to clean out the fireplace this weekend and there is no way to do that without making myself filthy and getting ash everywhere.  Then I’d have to get the vacuum out to clean that up and I have three dogs that more or less break the door down and run off when that happens.  I do not feel like chasing after them because it is cold outside, so now I have decided there will be no fire.  You have just witnessed an entire thought process.  Try not to be jealous.

I look forward to seeing who is declared our new president no matter who that turns out to be.  Neither candidate possesses the imitation potential of a Bill Clinton or George W. Bush on Saturday Night Live, but then few do.  We will get through this together.  This is the democratic process at work ladies and gentleman so sit back and enjoy the ride. 

And by God post all about it on Facebook, because I need to know.