Blotter: Call Me Crazy

Call me crazy

Officers responded to a family disturbance. A daughter became upset that her mother took her cell phone. So, according to the report, did what any rational 16-year-old would do: she grabbed a knife and stuck it to her own throat and demanded her phone back. When officers asked why she put the knife to her own throat, the teen smiled and said, "I wanted my phone back and it pisses her (mother) off." 

Smelly thief

A car washing business reported theft of two vending machines, containing air fresheners and towellettes. Civil disobedience in the name of hygeine? 

Pissed off

Out on patrol, an officer witnessed a man urinated between two parked vehicles. The officer asked if he was OK and the man replied, "I am good; I just have to finish pissing." The officer informed him it was illegal to urinate in public. The man replied, "I had to piss but I don't want to go to jail." He went to jail. 

So is there a Mrs.?

To remove all suspense from this incident report and get to the most important fact here's what you need to know: Officers responded to an agency assist in regards to a theft and assault. Now for the most important part: the suspect is known only as Pacman. Game over. 

From smitten to bitten

No, this is not a remake of "Twilight." Officers responded to a domestic dispute where a man alleged his wife bit his nose. When asked how she managed to bite his nose, he responded, "She just did." 

Throwback

A man reported he was the victim of debit card fraud. Despite not being in the New York City since the 1980s, the victim had charges from retail and restaurants in the Big Apple. Back to the future, anyone?