Blotter: The lights are off and somebody's home

The lights are off and somebody's home
A man noticed an orange extension cord running from his sister's residence at a mobile home park to another residence on June 3. When the suspected electric current thief was confronted, she said she had electricity at her residence. After pulling the plug on the offending orange cord, her box fan ceased to run and the responding officer requested she turn on her outside lights to show she has electricity. She said she sometimes has "electric problems," which cause lights and appliances to stop operating. Nothing happened when she turned the light switch on. She became "visibly nervous" and kept stating "electric problems."

Bluffing: it only works in poker
A man suspected of Driving Under the Influence refuses a field sobriety test on June 13. Instead, he challenged the responding officer to administer a blood-alcohol content test. At the station, he blew a .18 and was arrested.

No good deed goes unpunished
Police responded to a neighbor-to-neighbor dispute where a man was verbally threatened June 11. The reason? He had been watering his deceased neighbor's lawn in the Iron Gate subdivision, when his hose had inadvertently wandered into another neighbor's yard. The irate neighbor stated he would "shove the hose up his ass if he did not get the hose off his property." In the report, the good Samaritan said he would stop watering the lawn to end the disagreement.

Water for Boyardee
While shopping, a man became suspicious to the grocery store manager on June 13. The manager watched as the man stuffed two cans of Chef Boyardee (valued at $1.50 each) into his backpack. When the man went to pay for a bottle of water, but not for the cans, the authorities were notified. The man was arrested and is scheduled to appear in court.

The existential drunk
An allegedly intoxicated woman decided to wax philosophically to a responding officer on June 14. When the officer asked, "What are you doing on the rear staircase?" She responded, "What are you doing here?" Presumably unfettered by this profound, enlightening question, the officer then asked, "How much have you had to drink today?" She responded, "How much have you had to drink today?" Thought provoking.

Catchy rhymes are not a 'get out of jail' free card
While a man was being questioned for alleged Driving Under the Influence on June 11, he told the officer: "Truck's legal, I'm legal. I don't have any warrants or arrests. I'm a legal beagle." His clever rhyme didn't prevent him from wearing handcuffs.

Everyone's a critic
A 20-year-old woman "became angry because her spare ribs were dry" while eating dinner with her family June 12. Incensed, she threw the ribs in the trash and began throwing her silverware in the sink. To prevent further damage to property, her father restrained her. The woman then head-butted dad and they mutually fought each other until police arrived. No one was prosecuted or charged.

Flipping flip flops
A suspect driving a black vehicle alerts an office that he "bumped into some signs back there" while walking down Essex Drive, barefoot, at 4:45 p.m. June 11. He then says, "I could have hauled ass but I didn't." While the officer went to check out the vehicle, the suspect asked to stand on the sidewalk because the road was hot and he was barefoot. He then asked to stand in grass because the sidewalk was hot. The officer asked him if he had shoes, and he responded yes. Officer asked him where they were and he responded he didn't know. They were on the floorboard of the car. As he attempted to put the  flip flop on the left foot, he lost his balance. Arrested for driving under the influence and drug/narcotics violations.

That's one way to make an impression
Perhaps the summer heat or the heat of the recessed job market got to a man on June 13. He showed up to confront a landscape owner having coffee at a shop. According to the owner, the man and his wife had worked for him for "one day because they did a terrible job." The owner had paid one of the couple, but not the other and sent them on their way. While confronting the owner and demanding full payment, the dissatisfied former employee said, "How many times f you think I could hit your bitch ass before you push 911?" Apparently, zero times. Officers arrived and arrested the suspect.