It Was Inevitable: The Onion Roasts SXSW With Its Trademark Sarcasm, Derision

AUSTIN, TX — Satirical website The Onion, known to mercilessly skewer the self-important, the arrogant or the woefully unhip, has aimed its sights on SXSW — not its film or music offerings, but the impressive array of panel discussions among its interactive offerings featuring experts in virtually every human field of endeavor.

Event organizers, "reports" The Onion, confirmed Monday that the word "innovate" has been spoken 650,000 times so far in just the opening days of the conference that runs until March 18.

“People are saying the word ‘innovate’ at a rate of 8.2 times per second, and at that pace we can estimate it will be uttered approximately 24 million times before the festival ends,” The Onion quotes the fictional SXSW coordinator Lucas Bryant, who noted that the phrases “increase social engagement” and “potential game-changer” have been said 950,000 times and 230,000 times, respectively.

“Additionally, we’re charting a higher-than-expected usage of such standbys as ‘interactivity,’ ‘convergence,’ and ‘paradigm,’ Bryant told The Onion. "And I suppose it goes without saying that the numbers for ‘shifting media landscape’ have been through the roof.”

Conversely, less common phrases — “investment model,” “practical business strategy,” and “economic realities” — have been mentioned a total of zero times. Well, The Onion, there's still time.

Good stuff. We're all very amused here in Austin as we engage in thought-provoking, results-driven synergy with our phablet in tow in pursuit of ideation from the invited gurus toward paradigm shifting. Very funny, which, we suppose is the key takeaway here.

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