Whatabummer: Texas Burger Joints Yank Buns Amid Yeast Issues

AUSTIN, TX — All across Texas, they're coming for people's buns.

In what some burger-loving Texans have taken to label as the "Breadpocalypse," a growing number of burger joints in the state this week have been forced to halt or curtail their use of buns — a key component of a traditional burger — as a result of an undetermined problem with the quality of the bread.

Those prone to conspiracy theories are referring to it as "BunGate." All that's known is there was a "quality issue" with a major supplier. And it's affecting some of the state's best-loved burger joints

The Irvine, Calif.-based In-N-Out chain was the first to take drastic measures in light of the bad buns. On Monday, the chain closed all of its nearly 40 Texas stores — including two in Austin and one in Cedar Park — as it dealt with the bun issues.

"At In-N-Out Burgers, we have always served the highest quality food with no compromise," the company would later explain in a statement. "We recently discovered that our buns in Texas do not meet the quality standards that we demand."

On Wednesday, the next to be victimized by bad bread emerged: Louisiana-based Raising Cane's Chicken Fingers pulled its popular Texas Toast so favored by legions of followers not just as crunchy side order but makeshift gravy-soaking utilitarian tool. With the announcement, it became clear that buns were but the yeast of the problems.

The bread didn't meet their high standards for taste either, officials explained: "At Raising Cane’s, we never sacrifice quality and because of this, our Texas restaurants are regrettably not serving our Texas toast," company officials said in a statement.

The same day, the unspeakable occurred. Iconic Whataburger — a Texas-based chain so revered that an untold number of couples have actually gotten married at their neighborhood locations — voluntarily pulled its white buns and Texas Toast version over the same quality issue. Whatabummer!

While the issue is confined to the Dallas-Fort Worth area and the eastern and western portions of Texas, Whataburger fans throughout the Lone Star State have been thrown into what amounts to an existential crisis.

Texans everywhere are flummoxed.

"There’s no health risk at all, rather an impact on our bun’s flavor caused by an unbalance in the yeast, and we want to make sure our customers get the best product," Whatburger said in a prepared statement in attempts to assuage the burger-loving masses. To mitigate the mass anxiety and comfort the collective soul, Whataburger extended its breakfast hours to 1 p.m. on Wednesday: "We understand this is frustrating to our loyal customer and apologize to those impacted by the shortage."

Those not from Texas won't grasp the gravity of this situation. For legions, Whataburger is more than a restaurant but the manifestation of the quintessential Texas dining experience. Lovingly worded paeans have been written by aficionados, and videotaped testimonials have been produced:

And, as mentioned, couples have elevated their neighborhood Whataburger locations to makeshift wedding chapel, exchanging vows with overhead and oversize menus above the cash registers as backdrop. In Austin where such nuptials are popular, they call these rituals Whataweddings. After their traditional weddings, many-a-bride lead their guests to the nearest Whataburger for some late-night burgers, fries and a cold fountain drink.

It's a Texas thing, and you may never understand.

Given that depth of customer devotion, Whataburger may have inadvertently served up more anxiety with suggested bun-bereft alternatives: "We’re happy to make any burger or sandwich using a wheat bun, flour tortilla or bun-less on a platter at no extra charge."

A tortilla burger?!?! A bun-less version?!?! What kind of madness is this?!?! It's bad enough they offered the wheat buns. But this? An abomination! many likely exclaimed.

(Texans aren't averse to tortillas, mind you, and do love their breakfast tacos. But a beef patty wrapped in a flour tortilla represents the culinary equivalent to oil and water. The two simply don't know together. Some things just aren't done in polite society. There's a time and place, you know?)

Whataburger's woes come days after it trolled IHOP for the diner chain's changing its name (at least for the time being for promotional purposes) to IHOB in unveiling its new burger offerings. Get it? The "p" in pancakes altered to look like a "b" for burgers. "As much as we love our pancakes," Whataburger mocked in response with palpable smugness, "we'd never change our name to Whatapancake."

They lost their buns just a couple of days later. Whatakarma?

Those eschewing burgers in favor of deli sandwiches weren't angst-ridden over the Great Texas Bun Crisis Of 2018, though. "You know who has the best buns?" one observer asked on Twitter. "Schlotzsky's." The tweet didn't go unnoticed by the sub sandwich shop chain founded in Austin in 1971 before moving its headquarters to Atlanta: "Hands down," came its succinct reply.

The bun debacle showed some signs of ending. In-N-Out re-opened its stores on Wednesday — a day later than it had announced, but still. But the Texas Toast-less landscape remains, and the specter of hamburger meat patties wrapped in flour tortillas looms large and ominously. Healthful wheat buns are now being offered to the burger-loving masses not typically known to exercise the tactics of moderation in ordering a nice, thick, juicy burger with all the fixins.

Let that sink in: Wheat. Buns.

Here in Texas, our long statewide nightmare appears far from over.

>>> Top photo by Tony Cantú/Patch staff