Austin Comes Out Sort Of Squeaky Clean In 'Sinful Cities' List

AUSTIN, TX — Austinites, you know you're no angels. But according to a new survey, you're practically saintly, ranking 81st in a list of the nation's most sin-ridden cities.

In their latest zany survey, the folks at WalletHub have come up with the sinful cities. The usual suspects appear, including Las Vegas — the municipality that proudly calls itself "Sin City" — that wears its moral bankruptcy like a badge of honor.

But there are other cities that provoke some head-scratching (as a reflexive response to confusion rather than some exotic, scalp-centered disease of the flesh). Gulfport, Miss. at No 15? And who knew Toledeo, Ohio, ranked 22nd most sinful city, was such a den of inequity?

Conversely, Houston (we've been there, and we know what goes down) is ranked 40th most sinful city in the nation. Chicago, another hot town with a million stories, comes in at 68th. What gives?

Anyway, back to Austin. The city was put through by a surprisingly thorough set of metrics to achieve its relatively low ranking on the sinful scale. WalletHub researchers crunched the numbers comparing 182 cities in each state across seven key dimensions plunging the depths of the human soul: 1) Anger & Hatred, 2) Jealousy, 3) Excesses & Vices, 4) Greed, 5) Lust, 6) Vanity and 7) Laziness.

Against those sinful dimensions, 32 relevant metrics were measured with varying weights. Each metric was graded on a 100-point scale, with a score of 100 representing the highest level of sinfulness. Then, WalletHub calculated an overall score (researchers dubbed this their WalletHub Vice Index) for each city based on its weighted average across all metrics and used the resulting scores to rank-order the cities.

Anger & Hatred – Total Points: 14.3

• Violent Crimes per Capita: Full Weight (~2.86 Points)
• Sex Offenders per Capita: Full Weight (~2.86 Points)
• Bullying Rate*: Full Weight (~2.86 Points)
• Hate-Crime Incidents per Capita: Full Weight (~2.86 Points)
• Hate Groups per Capita: Full Weight (~2.86 Points)

Jealousy – Total Points: 14.3

• Thefts per Capita: Full Weight (~4.77 Points)
• Identity-Theft Complaints per Capita: Full Weight (~4.77 Points)
• Fraud & Other Complaints per Capita: Full Weight (~4.77 Points)

Excesses & Vices – Total Points: 14.3

• Share of Obese Adults: Full Weight (~1.59 Points)
• Fast-Food Establishments per Capita**: Full Weight (~1.59 Points)
• Excessive Drinking: Full Weight (~1.59 Points)Note: This metric measures the age-adjusted prevalence of binge and heavy drinking among the adult population.
• Share of Adult Smokers: Full Weight (~1.59 Points)
• Share of Adult Coffee Drinkers: Full Weight (~1.59 Points)Note: This metric measures the percentage of adults who drank ready-to-drink coffee in the past six months.
• Share of Population Using Marijuana: Full Weight (~1.59 Points)Note: This metric measures the percentage of residents aged 12 and older who used marijuana in the past month.
• Retail Opioid Prescriptions Dispensed per 100 Persons: Full Weight (~1.59 Points)
• Drug Overdose Deaths: Full Weight (~1.59 Points)Note: This metric measures the number of deaths due to drug poisoning per 100,000 residents.
• Debt-to-Income Ratio: Full Weight (~1.59 Points)

Greed – Total Points: 14.3

• Casinos per Capita**: Full Weight (~4.77 Points)
• Charitable Donations as Share of Income: Full Weight (~4.77 Points)
• Share of Population with Gambling Disorders*: Full Weight (~4.77 Points)

Lust – Total Points: 14.3

• Potential Cheaters: Double Weight (~5.72 Points)Note: This metric measures the number of Ashley Madison users per capita.
• Adult Entertainment Establishments per Capita**: Full Weight (~2.86 Points)
• Teen Birth Rate: Full Weight (~2.86 Points)Note: This metric measures the number of births per 1,000 female residents aged 15 to 19.
• “Most Active Tinder Users” Ranking: Full Weight (~2.86 Points)

Vanity – Total Points: 14.3

• Beauty Salons per Capita**: Full Weight (~4.77 Points)
• Tanning Salons per Capita**: Full Weight (~4.77 Points)
• Google Search Interest Index for “Top 5 Plastic Surgeries”: Full Weight (~4.77 Points)Note: This metric measures search interest for the five most common plastic surgery procedures (breast augmentation, liposuction, rhynoplasty, eyelid surgery and facelift) as a share of the national average.

Laziness – Total Points: 14.3

• Share of Adults Not Exercising: Full Weight (~2.86 Points)
• Average Weekly Hours Worked: Full Weight (~2.86 Points)
• Volunteer Rate: Full Weight (~2.86 Points)
• Average Daily Time Spent Watching TV*: Full Weight (~2.86 Points)
• High School Dropout Rate: Full Weight (~2.86 Points)

Also factored into this dubious list were serious crimes of the heart, including hate crimes and the hate groups per capital such sentiments manifest and the level of sex crimes reported at each city. Sins of indulgence represented by obesity, drinking and smoking were among the vices figuring in the reckoning. The number of strip clubs figured prominently in the lust category, along with the most active residents using such hook-up apps as Tinder and the like.

All told, Austin fared well on the moral purity scale relatively speaking. Houston was the state's most sinful city at its 40th ranking with a total of 44.23 on the vice index. Austin was relatively chaste by comparison with its paltry 40.48 vice index.

According to the survey at WalletHub.com, Houston was the most sinful city Texas at No. 40, with a total score of 44.23 on the vice index. Still, Austin came up high in the Anger & Hatred category with a score of 141 — considerably higher than Houston's score of 97.

What gives, Austin? Why so mad? You've got Lady Bird Lake, Zilker Park, a plethora of live music venues and trendy clubs galore. There are even bats under the Congress Avenue Bridge emerging en masse by the millions searching for insect nocturnal meals delighting you nightly. What more could you possibly ask for?!?!

We're also a pretty jealous bunch in Austin, neck in neck with most sinful Houston. Austin ranked 45th on that front, two notches above Houston. We have the WalletHub methodology on how they figured this, but we're at a loss as to how they measure this.

But moving on. We weren't hardly as bad as Houston in terms of Excesses and Vices at least. Austin secured a score of 128 in that category, less than Houston's 159. Despite our abundance of trails, lakes and zip lines, we here in Austin also scored high on laziness. We here at the Austin bureau of Patch were especially surprised to see this high level of laziness in our reporting from an easy chair clad in our jammies, and don't know what to make of it.

So how did other Texas cities fare? Here's the list with the cumulative score for each morally emaciated municipality:

• Arlington………………..(69)
• Austin…………………..(81)
• Amarillo………………. (108)
• Lubbock………………. (113)
• Dallas…………………. (117)
• Laredo………………... (123)
• Ft.Worth……………….(127)
• San Antonio…………..(135)
• Garland………………..(147)
• Irving…………………..(149)
• Corpus Christi…………(150)
• El Paso…………………(170)
• Plano……………………(177)
• Brownsville……………..(180)

Image: A customer walks into Peepland on Broadway in New York City's Times Square, Friday evening, March 6, 1998, after a judge concluded the city has the legal right to force most of the city's X-rated shops to relocate. Judge Miriam Goldman Cedarbaum, said she would stay her ruling until Wednesday to allow sex shop owners to appeal to the 2nd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals to stop the city's plan. (AP Photo/Michael Schmelling)

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