The Desire to be Well.

The desire to be well precedes becoming well. Our often hidden will or intention can matter as much or even more than the medications needed to regain our health. Examining your desire to be well is a kind of “psychic gut check.” What is it you really want? To get well or remain sick?

One of Sigmund Freud’s most significant insights concerned the relationship between a person’s will and their well-being. He discovered that becoming ill can procure real benefits to the sick, so that, whether or not their becoming sick was accidental or intentional, persons can subsequently seek to remain ill. He said there can be a “primary” and “secondary gain” from illness. Here is an example of how it would work: let’s say a man hates his job and gets injured, fortunately for him, while on the job. The initial or primary gain is that he doesn’t have to go to work. The secondary gain is the caring attention he receives from his family and friends—to say nothing of possible disability checks. Sympathy and money for lying around—this can be seductive.

I am in no way attempting to discredit persons who have injuries and receive disability. Permanent injuries can happen at any time, whether work related or not. I know persons who would truly love to be healed of their illness so they could get back to their jobs. Rather, I am only stipulating that there is often a close connection between our will and our well-being.

Another potent example of this relationship can be glimpsed in the Gospel of John. Jesus, who reportedly healed wherever he went, had a telling exchange with a man sick for thirty-eight years. He asked the man, “Do you want to be made well?” There is more to that question than may at first meet the eye and mind.

I have counseled many persons over the years who, if they were completely honest, would have to say, “No” or “I am not sure” to Jesus’ question. They came to me less to be made well than to feel a bit better about their “dis-ease.” Which brings up another Freudian insight, that of “resistance.” He recognized that persons could actually, actively resisted health. They could, so to say, have the medicine in front of them, but refuse to take it.

Time and again, I have been amazed at persons’ resistance to their well-being. This includes continuing to eat crap, while turning aside from a proper diet. “I know I shouldn’t eat and drink what I do, but, I guess I can’t help it.” Make that, “I will not help it.”

Will power – where is it when you need it? It has to be developed, practiced, like any other skill. That is what thousands of years of monastic existence for all varieties of religion have been about: learning to say “no” to the temptations of the world, in order to say “yes” to God with one’s whole heart.

Sometimes people really want to get well, but don’t believe they can get there. I have worked with persons who wondered whether they would ever be healthy and/or happy again. While not necessarily in body, you can always become healthy again in soul and spirit. Every single time a person or couple came to me who genuinely desired to be well again, they eventually got there.