Develop Resilience

Resiliency is a vital attribute we need to develop. It comes from the Latin, meaning literally to “spring back.” Resiliency is the ability to bounce back into shape or position, to recover strength, spirits, good humor, and to rapidly recover from illness, change or misfortune. It enables us to continue to be who we have been over time, to continue our direction, our purpose, our very identity in the midst of trial and tribulation. Interestingly, resilience represents both elasticity and perseverance, both our withstanding setbacks of whatever sort and our flexibility to bend but not to break. You are evidencing resilience when you conform to the difficult conditions life presents you, while at the same time somehow sustaining who you are throughout the entire ordeal. Like a tennis ball hitting the ground during a tennis match, it is compressed yet resumes its shape the moment it is again air born.

We may think that resilience is something you are born with, like this or that ability, from mathematics to music. Yet research is demonstrating that resilience can be developed by most everyone; resilience can be learned. That is what Mandy Oaklander said in a 2015 article in Time magazine on resilience. She built her article around the research of psychiatrists Dr. Dennis Charney and Dr. Steven Southwick. They have found that “Resilience is essentially a set of skills – as opposed to a disposition or personality type – that make it possible for people not only to get through hard times but to thrive during and after them. Just as rubber rebounds after being squeezed, so do resilient people.”

The next question would be why do some people bounce back while others do not do so well? Is it something to do with their genetic make-up, some characterological disposition, so you either have it or you don’t? The research of Southwick and Charney suggests that with some practice, most anybody can develop resilience. Southwick said, “The vast majority of us will be faced with one or more major traumatic stressors during a lifetime.” Of course, smaller stressors also take their cumulative toll. That is where developing greater resilience can help.

These two psychiatrists wrote an important book on this subject, “Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges” (2012). Their first finding is that facing those things which scare you actually “relaxes the fear circuitry, making that a good first step in building resilience.” Second, developing an ethical code to guide your daily decisions can help allay stress. Third, having a “strong network of social support” is essential to resilience. It is easier to be strong together than by yourself. There are even neurobiological aspects to social support. When you are with trusted others under stress conditions, your heart rate and blood pressure do not go up to the extent they do when you are alone.

Oaklander put forward ten exercises for developing greater resilience:

1. Develop a core set of beliefs that nothing can shake.

2. Try to find meaning in whatever stressful or traumatic thing has happened.

3. Try to maintain a positive outlook.

4. Take cues from someone who is especially resilient.

5. Don’t run from things that scare you: face them.

6. Be quick to reach out for support when things go haywire.

7. Learn new things as often as you can.

8. Find an exercise regimen you’ll stick to.

9. Don’t beat yourself up or dwell on the past.

10. Recognize what makes you uniquely strong – and own it.