Forgetting has Its Place

Forgetting has its place, and even its benefits. Neuroscientists maintain that forgetting is essential to the efficient functioning of the brain, vital to receiving, learning, adapting and remembering new and possibly more significant information.

Neuro-psychiatrist Gayatri Devi says, “We focus so much on memory that forgetting has been maligned. But if you don’t forget, you’d recall all kinds of extraneous information from your life that would drown you in a sea of inefficiency.”

Memories of significant, singular events – such as the recent presidential elections – are usually easy to recall. We tend to store them in our long-term memory with multiple associations attached.

Mundane memories of frequently recurring events compete like chirping chicks to be recalled. Scientists insist the brain is wired to forget those events which aren’t important. Neuroimagining research demonstrates that the brain’s prefrontal cortex, the region of complex thinking and planning, sorts and retrieves “like-kind” memories. Here forgetting many specifics frees up brain power for other activities.

Contrary to common assumption, forgetting is in fact a very active process, even if it be mostly unconscious. The brain constantly evaluates, edits and sorts information, all very rapidly. Dr. Devi says, “Your brain is only taking a small amount in, and it’s already erasing vast amounts that won’t be needed again.”

Due to the fact that we are always noticing this or that to the exclusion of other incoming data, we are constantly missing a lot of information. Obviously, what does not get noticed cannot get stored. That being said, there is much debate on whether and to what extent memories of unnoted events can somehow be stored – if we could just figure out how to retrieve it. Some researchers maintain that hypnosis can help trigger some long-buried memories. Yet so-called “recovered memories” are susceptible to suggestion and distortion.

According to Dr. Devi, “Memory consists of billions of puzzle pieces, and many of them look the same. Each time you retrieve a memory, you’re reconstructing a puzzle very quickly and breaking it down again. Some of the pieces get put back in different places.”

If you want to remember more about your daily life, one proven method is to journal. Writing down thoughts and events while they are recent helps maintain a record of what soon fades. It also forces you to reflect on your experience.

I am in the business of conversations. If I could not forget, I could not continue to take in sufficient new information. I am bombarded with important information daily. As a priest friend used to say, which has proven true for me as well: “I have the gift of forgetting.” If I could not forget, if I could not let go and let God, if I could not turn persons and their situations over to God, I could not have remained in the ministry and counseling business for over 37 years. Sad, troubling and demanding situations would simply have overrun my consciousness. To continue my work, I have to be able to “clear the deck” with regularity.

Of course, I thankfully also have the “gift of remembering.” So the next time I would see a person or couple for counseling, while I may at first have been struggling to remember what we had previously discussed, the memory would always resurface in a general way, like a tried and true resurfacing submarine.