Habits

First we form our habits, then they form us. Habits are fixed ways of thinking, feeling and acting. Regardless of how a habit gets established, once it is in place, we pretty much think, feel and act in certain ways in certain situations. We do so without the need to think about what we are doing, for the habit is a kind of “auto-pilot” doing its thing on its own. In this, habits are termed “functionally autonomous,” meaning they continue operating almost on their own. We keep on doing, thinking and feeling something, well, because it is our tradition.

Habits can be very useful to your functioning in daily life. How you drive your car is an example. You don’t have to think about how to start it or where the gear shift is. You are able to glide around, thinking about things other than how to drive. Of course, when you buy a different car, you will have to develop a different set of habits regarding how to drive it. The more similar to the last car, the easier it is.

We develop habits about many things, from how we think and feel about other people to work habits and how we play sports. There are good and bad habits. A good habit is one which actually assists us to get where we want to go, such as remaining close to love ones. A bad habit actively interferes with our getting where we want to be. A habit of interrupting others works against their willingness to talk with you; you become a source of frustration rather than pleasure. A habit of doubting yourself prevents your taking those risks necessary to succeed in life and in love.

Any habit that diminishes or prohibits your ability to love, work and play needs to be changed. The sooner the better, for old habits die hard. The first thing you have to do is to define what it is you want to change. What is the problem or problems of your thinking, feeling and acting? Second, what new habit do you want to replace it with, what is your goal? State your goal in positive language, like “I want to become physically fit.” Write down reasons you want to change your habit, ways in which it has cost you. This will give you clarity of purpose and strengthen your commitment to change yourself.

Think of going up a staircase. At the top is your ultimate goal. At the bottom is something doable, a first step. Develop successive steps leading to the top. Recruit friends to support your progress. If you want to get into shape, join a gym and work with a trainer.

Let this whole thing be a positive process, rather than negative. Think about what you want to do, rather than what you want to avoid. Give yourself the time necessary for an old habit to die out as a new one is formed. Experts suggest it takes 21 days for this to happen.

Habits are just prior choices you’ve gotten used to, so rethink your choices. You still have freedom of choice; exercise it. If you really want to change a habit, you can. Believe it. Take one step at a time. The simple truth is: Success is follow-through.