Handling Bullies

There are bullies in the workplace as well as on the playground. A co-worker or supervisor can suddenly begin picking on someone for reasons not the fault of the victim. Perhaps when no one else is around, they make threats or obscene comments or gestures, garnering guilt and shame—and silence. This makes the bully feel powerful and in control.

Perhaps the bully acts out in front of others, belittling, demeaning or ignoring the victim. This also makes the bully feel powerful and significant in public, and the victim isolated from the others, worthless, and likely, stupid. Other workers may realize what is happening, but feel too frightened to speak up and confront the bully—because the bully might turn on them next.

If you are being bullied at work, relationship expert Sarah Binding offers some points to remember about bullies:

– Bullies are cowards who need to feel better than you, at your expense.

– Bullies are frightened that others will discover that they are incompetent at their jobs; so to deflect this, they pick on someone else.

– Bullies are control freaks who need to feel they have the upper hand.

– Bullies are liars, cheats and manipulators.

– Bullies are jealous, bitter and angry.

– Whatever negative thing a bully tells you about yourself, they are telling about themselves.

– Bullies will pick your most vulnerable asset and make it appear to be your worst liability.

– Bullies can be charming to others, effectively hiding their tracks.

– Bullies thrive on fear, guilt, shame, embarrassment and above all, silence.

Some suggestions for dealing with a bully at the workplace:

Keep records: Keep a paper trail of dates, times, places and exchanges between you and the bully. Include the names of any witnesses. Note every interaction with personnel, management and all those connected with the bullying.

It is not the individual incidents that matter as much as their cumulative impact. Specific incidents may seem minor, but if they reveal a pattern of abusive behavior, which does have significance.

Research: Obtain a copy of the bullying and harassment policy of your employer. You may wish to do this through a third party, especially if you are not ready to confront the bully. You can find and join support groups through websites, such as “BullyonLine.com,”

Be Assertive: You, too, can learn to be assertive. The major mistake victims make is to avoid confronting a bully. This can be especially difficult if you are a passive person. Yet learning how to be assertive can help you not only at work but in all areas of your life. It will also elevate your self-confidence.

Rather than being aggressive, be assertive with a bully. State clearly that you will not be mistreated by anyone. When you challenge a bully, take a trusted, reliable witness with you. When the bully realizes they cannot dominate you, you are closer to resolution.

Tell Someone: When you are ready, take your paper trail to your line supervisor. Beware that most bullies either are, or are supported by, the line manager. Contact your Human Resource department. Many companies have an anti-bullying policy, and if they won’t address the problem, you may have a legal case.